All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Teru Nakashima: A Pioneer in Self-Esteem Psychology
# Teru Nakashima: Leading Voice in Self-Esteem Psychology
Teru Nakashima is a prominent Japanese psychological counselor, author, and public speaker who developed "Natural Psychology," an approach to enhancing self-acceptance and transforming lives. After overcoming severe personal struggles, including a decade as a hikikomori (social recluse) and multiple suicide attempts, he independently studied psychology and therapy, developing methods that led to his own recovery and eventually helping others.
## Core Theory and Methodology
Nakashima's theory of self-acceptance centers on six fundamental elements:
- Sense of Existence: Feeling one's life has value
- Sense of Competence: Believing in one's abilities
- Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted in society
- Sense of Security: Having a safe space
- Self-Trust: Being reliable and dependable
- Self-Esteem: Recognizing one's inherent worth
His methodology follows three key steps:
1. Self-Recognition: Acknowledging all aspects of oneself
2. Self-Acceptance: Embracing one's complete self
3. Self-Affirmation: Recognizing one's inherent value
## Impact and Work
Nakashima has authored several bestselling books, including "Three Steps to Enhance Self-Acceptance" and "How to Love Yourself." He conducts training sessions nationwide for corporations, educational institutions, and hospitals. His YouTube channel and daily newsletter provide practical guidance on self-acceptance and personal growth.
His unique contribution includes the concept of "mental brakes" - unconscious blocks formed from past trauma and negative thought patterns. He teaches that true self-acceptance isn't about forced positivity but embracing one's authentic self completely. Nakashima also introduces "fudoshin" (immovable mind) as the ultimate state of self-acceptance - maintaining inner stability regardless of external circumstances.
His work particularly resonates in Japanese society, where issues of self-worth and social pressure are prevalent. Through seminars, books, digital content, and counseling sessions, Nakashima continues to provide hope and practical guidance to those struggling with self-acceptance, while his principles are increasingly applied in organizational development to improve workplace relationships and employee well-being.
All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
How Self-Worth Shapes Your Anger Responses
Discover the profound relationship between self-affirmation and anger management in our latest episode. Drawing on the expertise of Teru Nakashima, a celebrated Japanese psychological counselor, we explore how recognizing your inherent worth can transform your emotional landscape. You're invited to delve into the valuable strategies Nakashima provides to help manage anger effectively and cultivate a strong foundation of self-affirmation.
Throughout the episode, we uncover the fascinating six-second rule for anger—an essential pause that allows you to choose your responses more thoughtfully. Anger can be physically draining and detrimental to your health, but with Nakashima's insights, you can turn these moments of frustration into growth opportunities.
We also discuss how often unresolved anger leads to passive-aggressive behaviors that can damage relationships. Nakashima teaches us the importance of open communication and understanding, emphasizing the need to move from criticism to collaboration for healthier interactions. Every small step we take toward nurturing resilience and emotional literacy can lead to significant shifts in our lives.
Join us to learn how building self-worth and effectively managing anger can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling existence. Tune in and embrace the journey of emotional mastery as we share practical tips, inspiring insights, and a holistic approach to overall well-being. Don't forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and engage with us as we continue this exploration into emotional health!
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
All right, get ready, because today we are going deep on some really powerful stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:How to manage anger and, you know, really cultivate self-affirmation. Yeah. And to guide us on this journey, we have a series of newsletters from Teru Nakashima Okay, who is a pretty well-known Japanese psychological counselor. I like it, yeah.
Speaker 2:He's really interesting. Yeah, nakashima doesn't just skim the surface, right, you know? He's got this amazing way of blending, like sharp observations about human behavior with really practical, actionable techniques.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So consider this your cheat sheet for applying his wisdom to your own life his wisdom to your own life.
Speaker 1:Well, I love. Ok, so right off the bat, Nakashima kind of throws down this really bold statement. Ok, he says life, success and happiness are 100 percent determined by self-affirmation.
Speaker 2:Wow, 100 percent, huh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100 percent, that feels a little high.
Speaker 2:That's a big claim.
Speaker 1:What's the thinking behind such a strong claim?
Speaker 2:Well, it might sound extreme, but think about it. For a second, self-affirmation is all about recognizing your own worth, your inherent value, and when that belief is solid, it impacts everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Your thoughts, your feelings, how you show up in the world. All of that stems from how you see yourself.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:There's even research showing that self-affirmation helps people cope better with stress.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:How do you think that kind of resilience could change your life?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I can only imagine like if you had this solid foundation of self-worth, it would definitely impact how you handle tough situations, for sure. Okay so, but what about when things get really heated?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That's where Nakashima's insights on anger come in. Okay, get really heated, right? That's where Nakashima's insights on anger come in. Okay, he even cites medical experts saying that amplifying anger too much lowers immunity.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:That's a pretty clear link between our emotional and physical health.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah. Holding onto anger takes a toll on your well-being.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Think about it have you ever felt physically drained or even gotten sick after a period of intense anger?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's like your body saying hey, this is not working for me.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, yeah, your body knows.
Speaker 1:Yeah, luckily Nakashima doesn't just point out the problem, he offers solutions. Okay, and one that really caught my eye was the six-second rule.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Is that as simple as it sounds?
Speaker 2:Well, it is in principle, but the science behind it is fascinating.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:When something triggers your anger, there's about a six-second delay before your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for controlling impulses, really kicks in. Nakashima suggests using that tiny window to your advantage.
Speaker 1:So, instead of immediately reacting, you take those six seconds to pause, breathe and choose a more thoughtful response. Exactly, that seems like a game changer in those heated moments, but is it foolproof, though? What about when someone's really triggered?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely not a magic bullet.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And there are limitations, especially if someone's dealing with trauma or deeply ingrained anger patterns, but for everyday situations it's a powerful tool to create space between the feeling and your reaction. Of course, nakashima also recommends other techniques, like deep breathing, visualization and meditation, for cultivating that inner calm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those make sense. It's like you're building a toolbox for emotional regulation. Instead of letting anger take over. You're equipped to handle it skillfully.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's about gaining mastery over the emotion, not letting it dictate your actions.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And this connects to another crucial point mindful communication.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Makishima suggests instead of criticizing, express your feelings.
Speaker 1:My feeling right now is blank you know what I struggle with that one okay sometimes winning an argument feels really important right how do you overcome that urge to be right?
Speaker 2:well, it circles back to self-affirmation okay when you're securing your worth, you don't need to win every argument right. You can be open to other perspectives and focus on understanding, not just being right. Nakashima really emphasizes seeking compromise over winning arguments.
Speaker 1:Which ultimately leads to healthier relationships. Absolutely Right. It's about shifting from this adversarial dynamic to a more collaborative one.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes total sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But what about when anger isn't expressed directly?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Nakashima has this interesting take on what he calls passive-aggressive anger.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's subtler, more covert, but can be just as damaging to relationships Right, Sulking the silent treatment, maybe even refusing dinner invitations.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:It's often rooted in what he calls negative attention.
Speaker 1:So could you unpack that a bit? What exactly is negative attention?
Speaker 2:It's basically a way of seeking connection, albeit in a dysfunctional way.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Someone might resort to these behaviors because they aren't getting the positive attention they crave.
Speaker 1:It's an attempt to control or manipulate the situation indirectly oh, so it's like a cry for attention yeah but in a roundabout way exactly okay, and to address this, nakashima recommends a tool called the anger journal yes tell me about that it's about bringing awareness to your anger patterns.
Speaker 2:You record instances of anger, the date, the trigger, your interpretation of the event and your resulting actions okay this helps you spot those recurring triggers and the thoughts that fuel your anger that kind of self-awareness is incredibly powerful it is yeah, it's like you're shining a light on those automatic responses and gaining the power to change them exactly recognizing those patterns is the first step towards making conscious choices about how you react.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Now that we've explored managing those more explosive outbursts.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Let's shift gears and delve into some of Nakashima's techniques for cultivating that all-important self-affirmation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So we've talked about, you know, managing anger.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But what about actively building up that self-affirmation?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:What specific techniques does Nakashima suggest?
Speaker 2:One that really resonates with me is the unpleasant things released. Have you ever heard of it?
Speaker 1:I haven't, but the name sounds intriguing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What's the process like?
Speaker 2:It's surprisingly simple. You write down any negative thoughts or feelings that are weighing you down, anything you want to release. Then you physically crumple up that paper and throw it away.
Speaker 1:Wait, that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just writing it down and tossing it out.
Speaker 2:It's about symbolic release.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:The act of writing those things down externalizes them, takes away some of their power, ooh. And when you physically throw them away, it reinforces that. You're choosing to let go of that negativity. You're not carrying that burden anymore.
Speaker 1:I love that. It's like a ritual for clearing out mental and emotional clutter. We all need that sometimes, but how do we even know when we need to do some releasing or anger management? Are there any warning signs that we should watch out for?
Speaker 2:Nakashima actually provides a list of five signs that might indicate there's some underlying irritability that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:He suggests paying attention to whether you're overreacting to situations, if you're constantly judging yourself or others, or if you tend to prejudge people before really getting to know them.
Speaker 1:Those are all pretty relatable. I think most of us have probably experienced at least one of those at some point.
Speaker 2:Right and two more signs to watch out for are avoiding communication.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Or suppressing your feelings. Those can be big red flags.
Speaker 1:What's important here is to see these signs not as personal failures.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But as signals that we need to pay attention to our emotional well-being and maybe implement some of those techniques that we've been discussing.
Speaker 2:Exactly. There are opportunities for growth and self-awareness, not something to beat yourself up over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:And speaking of growth, Nakashima also offers some instant calm techniques.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:For those moments when you need to regain your composure quickly.
Speaker 1:I am all about quick and easy solutions, right? What are some of his go-to techniques?
Speaker 2:One is as simple as saying it's okay to yourself when you're feeling anxious, okay. Another is to say lucky me while washing your hands Interesting, shifting from a negative mindset to a more positive one.
Speaker 1:I can see how those little phrases could shift your perspective. Are there any others?
Speaker 2:The last one he suggests is saying I can do it while cleaning. Okay, To boost your focus and motivation.
Speaker 1:Those all seem so simple, almost silly, right. But I guess the power lies in the repetition and the conscious effort to replace negative self-talk with those positive affirmations.
Speaker 2:Precisely, it's like training your brain to be more resilient and optimistic. Right Even seemingly insignificant actions can have a huge impact over time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And this ties back to Nakashima's overall philosophy.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's not just about managing the big outbursts of anger, but also paying attention to those subtle thought patterns and emotional habits that shape our daily lives.
Speaker 1:It's about creating that foundation of self-awareness and self-compassion, Exactly. But all this talk about self-affirmation and anger management are they really that connected?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, it's all interwoven.
Speaker 1:Okay, how so?
Speaker 2:When you have a strong sense of self-worth, you're less likely to be triggered by external events. You can approach challenges with more resilience and grace.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. So managing anger isn't just about controlling your reactions.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It's about cultivating a deeper sense of self-acceptance.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:You're less likely to get defensive or lash out if you're secure in who you are.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's all about building that inner strength and stability. And remember it's an ongoing practice, not a one-time fix.
Speaker 1:It's like we're tending to our inner garden.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Weeding out the negativity and planting seeds of self-affirmation.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But I imagine some people might feel overwhelmed. There's the six-second rule journaling, releasing techniques. Where do you even begin?
Speaker 2:You don't have to do everything at once.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Pick one technique that speaks to you and try it out.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Maybe the next time you feel that familiar anger rising, try the six second rule.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Or if you're feeling bogged down, spend a few minutes with that Unpresent Things release.
Speaker 1:Right, see how it feels. I think I might try that Lucky Me technique while washing my hands. Yeah, it seems so easy and almost fun.
Speaker 2:There you go. What's the?
Speaker 1:harm Right.
Speaker 2:Exactly it's about finding what works for you and making it a consistent practice. Yeah, think of it like physical exercise. Yeah, the more you strengthen those self-affirmation muscles, the more resilient you'll become.
Speaker 1:This deep dive has been so insightful. Oh, it's amazing how Nakashima weaves together this inner work with the practical techniques for managing those outward expressions of anger Right. It really highlights how interconnected it all is.
Speaker 2:And that's where lasting change comes from. Yeah, it's not about masking the symptoms. It's about addressing the root cause that lack of self-acceptance. When you truly believe in yourself, you can navigate life's challenges with more grace and ease.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not about becoming some perfectly zen, anger-free, being Right. It's about understanding our emotions, having tools to work with them.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And, ultimately, being kinder to ourselves.
Speaker 2:Well said. It's a journey of self-discovery and there's always room for growth.
Speaker 1:On that note, I think it's time to wrap up our deep dive, but before we go, I'd love to leave you with one final question to ponder what small step can you take today to implement one of these techniques? Maybe it's taking those six seconds to pause or writing down something you want to release, what feels doable and even exciting for you.
Speaker 2:Remember, even the smallest actions can create ripples of positive change in your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's all about starting somewhere and seeing where the journey takes you.
Speaker 1:Until next time, keep exploring, keep learning and keep diving deep.
