All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Teru Nakashima: A Pioneer in Self-Esteem Psychology
# Teru Nakashima: Leading Voice in Self-Esteem Psychology
Teru Nakashima is a prominent Japanese psychological counselor, author, and public speaker who developed "Natural Psychology," an approach to enhancing self-acceptance and transforming lives. After overcoming severe personal struggles, including a decade as a hikikomori (social recluse) and multiple suicide attempts, he independently studied psychology and therapy, developing methods that led to his own recovery and eventually helping others.
## Core Theory and Methodology
Nakashima's theory of self-acceptance centers on six fundamental elements:
- Sense of Existence: Feeling one's life has value
- Sense of Competence: Believing in one's abilities
- Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted in society
- Sense of Security: Having a safe space
- Self-Trust: Being reliable and dependable
- Self-Esteem: Recognizing one's inherent worth
His methodology follows three key steps:
1. Self-Recognition: Acknowledging all aspects of oneself
2. Self-Acceptance: Embracing one's complete self
3. Self-Affirmation: Recognizing one's inherent value
## Impact and Work
Nakashima has authored several bestselling books, including "Three Steps to Enhance Self-Acceptance" and "How to Love Yourself." He conducts training sessions nationwide for corporations, educational institutions, and hospitals. His YouTube channel and daily newsletter provide practical guidance on self-acceptance and personal growth.
His unique contribution includes the concept of "mental brakes" - unconscious blocks formed from past trauma and negative thought patterns. He teaches that true self-acceptance isn't about forced positivity but embracing one's authentic self completely. Nakashima also introduces "fudoshin" (immovable mind) as the ultimate state of self-acceptance - maintaining inner stability regardless of external circumstances.
His work particularly resonates in Japanese society, where issues of self-worth and social pressure are prevalent. Through seminars, books, digital content, and counseling sessions, Nakashima continues to provide hope and practical guidance to those struggling with self-acceptance, while his principles are increasingly applied in organizational development to improve workplace relationships and employee well-being.
All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Embracing Imperfection: The Journey of Self-Acceptance
Ready to explore the transformative power of self-acceptance? In this engaging episode, we dive deep into the insights of Japanese psychotherapist Teru Nakashima, who emphasizes the vital role that self-acceptance plays in our emotional health and resilience. Learn how our childhood experiences lay the groundwork for our self-perception and understand why embracing both our strengths and weaknesses is key to building a compassionate relationship with ourselves.
We share practical strategies for cultivating self-acceptance, such as accepting negative emotions and employing “if-then planning” to preemptively manage challenges. The conversation further explores the importance of setting healthy boundaries by separating tasks, ultimately empowering ourselves to focus on what we can control.
Discover how self-acceptance not only enhances our resilience but also frees mental energy for greater productivity and satisfaction in life. This episode is packed with actionable insights and personal reflections that will inspire you to treat yourself with kindness and to embrace your whole self. Expect to learn about the ripple effects self-acceptance can have in your relationships, decision-making, and overall happiness.
Join us on this enlightening journey of self-discovery, and consider how you can start practicing self-acceptance as you navigate your life's challenges. Let’s embrace all parts of ourselves together!
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
Welcome to another deep dive, you guys, and today we're going to get into this fascinating topic of self-acceptance.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And we're diving deep today into a series of blog posts by Japanese psychotherapist Teru Nakashima, who offers a bunch of practical tips for boosting self-acceptance and resilience.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You know, it's amazing to me how much our early experiences really shape us Right. Nakashima suggests that our core sense of self-acceptance is largely formed by the time we're five years old. Wow, that's pretty mind-blowing, isn't?
Speaker 2:it yeah, that's huge.
Speaker 1:So we'll be exploring what that means and how we can strengthen that foundation, even as adults.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And to guide us through all this, we have our expert, who is a master at connecting psychological concepts to everyday life.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you. It's a pleasure to be here. You know it's interesting because self-acceptance isn't just some fluffy, you know feel-good concept, Right, it's actually a really powerful tool for navigating life's ups and downs.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's about building resilience, that ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:And it's something we can continuously cultivate.
Speaker 1:Resilience is a tool. I love that. So let's start by unpacking Nakashima's definition of self-acceptance. He talks about embracing all parts of ourselves, not just the shiny positive ones. What does that really mean in practice?
Speaker 2:Well, he defines self-acceptance as embracing the good, the bad and the messy without judgment. It's about acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, your triumphs and failures, as all part of the tapestry of you. It's not about ignoring the negative, but rather seeing those aspects as part of what makes you unique.
Speaker 1:So it's about recognizing that those so-called negative aspects are also part of what makes us who we are.
Speaker 2:Precisely. Nakajima uses a great analogy.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:He compares self-acceptance to accepting a wobbly table. You can still use it and appreciate its unique qualities, even if it's not perfectly level.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You might even find those imperfections charming.
Speaker 1:I love that analogy.
Speaker 2:It's the same with ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we often get caught up in striving for perfection Right, which can actually hold us back from truly accepting ourselves. I think we often get caught up in striving for perfection Right, which can actually hold us back from truly accepting ourselves. I know I've definitely fallen into that trap before.
Speaker 2:We all do at times, but the beauty of self-acceptance is that it allows us to let go of that striving for an unattainable ideal Right and embrace who we are right now, flaws and all. It's a much more compassionate and freeing way to live.
Speaker 1:That's such an important point. Yeah, all it's a much more compassionate and freeing way to live. That's such an important point. So if self-acceptance begins so early in life, how does that impact those of us whose early experiences may have been less than ideal?
Speaker 2:That's a great question, and it's important to acknowledge that early interactions with caregivers can significantly shape our self-perception. Think back to your own childhood. What messages did you receive about yourself?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Were you celebrated for who you were, or were there expectations placed upon you that may have influenced your current self-image?
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 2:It's fascinating how these early experiences can leave such a lasting impact.
Speaker 1:You're right. It's something we don't often consider, but it clearly has a profound influence. I'm curious, though, if those early experiences were less than supportive, can we actually change those deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. While those early experiences are influential, it's never too late to cultivate self-acceptance. It's an ongoing process and we have the power to shift our self-perception and develop a more compassionate and accepting relationship with ourselves.
Speaker 1:That's reassuring to hear. So how do we practically go about cultivating this self-acceptance? What are some tangible steps we can take?
Speaker 2:Well, nakashima outlines several practical approaches, and one that I find particularly intriguing is the idea of accepting the negative.
Speaker 1:Accepting the negative. That sounds a little counterintuitive. Wouldn't that just make those negative feelings stronger?
Speaker 2:It might seem that way initially.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But think of it like this when we try to suppress or ignore difficult emotions, right Like jealousy, insecurity or fear of failure, yeah, they often fester and grow stronger. They're like shadows lurking in the background, influencing our thoughts and behaviors.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can see that. I know, when I try to push those feelings away, they tend to pop up in unexpected ways.
Speaker 2:Exactly by acknowledging and validating those emotions, we bring them into the light. We create space to understand where they're coming from and develop healthier ways of coping with them.
Speaker 1:So, instead of berating ourselves for feeling insecure, we can approach those feelings with curiosity and compassion, like we would with a friend who's struggling.
Speaker 2:Precisely, it's about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to someone we care about.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:This is where the real shift begins.
Speaker 1:Okay, so accepting the negative is a key strategy, right? What are some of the other tools Nakashima suggests for cultivating self-acceptance?
Speaker 2:Another powerful technique is something he calls if-then planning, and I think this is brilliant, because it really empowers us to take control.
Speaker 1:Tell me more about that if-then planning. How does that work?
Speaker 2:It's all about anticipating challenging situations and pre-planning how you'll respond, in a self-compassionate way. Okay, for instance, if you're nervous about an upcoming presentation, you might plan to remind yourself that your worth isn't tied to the outcome. Or if you tend to compare yourself to others on social media, you might decide to limit your exposure or focus on your own unique strengths. It's about having a plan in place so you're not caught off guard when those difficult emotions or negative thoughts arise.
Speaker 1:That makes a lot of sense. It's like having a script ready for those moments when self-doubt creeps in. It gives you a sense of control and agency.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's about being proactive rather than reactive, and this is a crucial element of building resilience.
Speaker 1:This is fascinating. It's like we're building a toolkit for self-acceptance, one strategy at a time. Right? What's the next tool in our arsenal?
Speaker 2:This one is particularly helpful for those who tend to take on too much or feel overwhelmed by other people's expectations. Okay, it's called separating tasks.
Speaker 1:Separating tasks. I'm intrigued. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2:This strategy emphasizes recognizing the difference between what you are responsible for and what is outside your control.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's a way to prevent us from taking on other people's burdens and feeling overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:So, for example, if a colleague isn't pulling their weight on a project, I shouldn't automatically take on their work to pick up the slack.
Speaker 2:Exactly that's their responsibility, not yours. By separating tasks, you create healthy boundaries and empower yourself to focus on what you can actually influence. Right, it's about letting go of the need to control or fix everything and everyone around you.
Speaker 1:This is really resonating with me. I can see how that could be incredibly freeing, especially for those of us who tend to be people pleasers or overachievers. It's about recognizing our limits and honoring our own needs.
Speaker 2:Precisely, and it's important to note that separating tasks isn't about being selfish or avoiding responsibility.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's about recognizing that we can't pour from an empty cup. We need to take care of ourselves first in order to effectively show up for others.
Speaker 1:That's such a powerful reminder. Okay, so we've got three key strategies Accepting the negative, if-then planning and separating tasks. They all seem really practical and doable, but I'm curious about the bigger picture here. What are the real benefits of self-acceptance? Why should our listeners care about cultivating this?
Speaker 2:Well as we've touched on, self-acceptance is profoundly linked to increased resilience.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:When you accept yourself flaws and all, you're less likely to be thrown off course by setbacks. You can bounce back more quickly because you know that your worth isn't dependent on external validation or achieving perfection.
Speaker 1:That's huge. Resilience is so essential in today's fast-paced, ever-changing world.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's about having the inner strength to navigate life's inevitable challenges with grace and determination. But it doesn't stop there.
Speaker 1:What else does self-acceptance do for us?
Speaker 2:Self-acceptance can lead to a noticeable improvement in focus and productivity.
Speaker 1:Oh wait.
Speaker 2:When you're not constantly battling self-criticism and negative self-talk, you free up so much mental energy. You have more space to devote to your goals and passions.
Speaker 1:That makes a lot of sense. It's like clearing out all the mental clutter and creating space for creativity and inspiration to flow.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:And that's not all Okay.
Speaker 2:Nakashima emphasizes that self-acceptance can significantly reduce that tendency. We all have to criticize ourselves and compare ourselves to others.
Speaker 1:Oh, the comparison trap. I think we all fall into that from time to time.
Speaker 2:We do. But when you truly accept yourself, you begin to appreciate your own unique journey. You're less concerned with measuring your worth against others' accomplishments or appearances, because you recognize that you are on your own path, unfolding in its own perfect timing.
Speaker 1:That's such a freeing perspective. It takes the pressure off and allows us to embrace who we are without feeling the need to constantly measure up.
Speaker 2:And ultimately, all of this leads to an increased sense of satisfaction and well-being.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When you accept yourself, you create space for joy, peace and genuine connection with others.
Speaker 1:This is all starting to feel so interconnected. It's like a ripple effect. Self-acceptance fosters resilience, which then fuels focus and productivity and ultimately leads to a deeper sense of satisfaction and well-being.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's not just about feeling good. It's about creating a foundation for living a more authentic, empowered and fulfilling life.
Speaker 1:I love it. It's amazing how these seemingly simple concepts like accepting our imperfections and setting boundaries can have such a profound impact on our lives. It's like a domino effect.
Speaker 2:It really is, and you know. It's important to remember that self-acceptance isn't a one-time achievement, but rather an ongoing journey. The practice we cultivate over time, just like any skill. The more we practice, the more natural it becomes.
Speaker 1:So it's like building a muscle the more we exercise self-acceptance, the stronger it gets.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and as we flex that muscle, we start to see its impact in all areas of our life, not just our internal world. Nakashima highlights how crucial self-acceptance is for navigating relationships, making decisions and even pursuing our goals, that's fascinating.
Speaker 1:I hadn't really thought about it in that context before. How does self-acceptance influence those areas?
Speaker 2:Well, think about relationships. When you genuinely accept yourself, okay, you're more likely to set healthy boundaries, okay.
Speaker 1:Because you already have that sense of validation from within.
Speaker 2:Precisely. You recognize your inherent worth, so you don't need external sources to confirm it. Okay, this self-assuredness allows you to create relationships built on mutual respect and authenticity.
Speaker 1:I can see how that would make a huge difference in the quality of our relationships. Yeah, what are decision making? How does self-acceptance play a role there?
Speaker 2:When you accept yourself, you're more likely to make choices that are aligned with your true desires and values, rather than what you think you should do Okay. You're not as swayed by external pressures or expectations.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because you trust your own inner compass.
Speaker 1:That's so powerful. It's about living authentically and making choices that feel right for us, not for someone else.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, it's about honoring your own unique path and trusting your instincts. This applies to goal pursuit as well.
Speaker 1:I'm curious to hear about that connection. How does self-acceptance influence our ability to achieve our goals?
Speaker 2:Well, when you believe in yourself, even with your perceived flaws, you're more likely to take risks, persevere through challenges and ultimately reach your goals. You're not as easily discouraged by setbacks, because you know that failure doesn't define you.
Speaker 1:It's like having this unshakable belief in yourself that fuels your determination and resilience.
Speaker 2:Precisely self-acceptance creates this fertile ground for growth and achievement. It allows you to step outside your comfort zone and embrace opportunities with confidence.
Speaker 1:Wow, this has been incredibly insightful. It's like all these pieces are starting to fit together. It's not just about feeling good, it's about equipping ourselves to live a more fulfilling, meaningful life.
Speaker 2:It really is. Self-acceptance is the foundation for everything else. It empowers us to build stronger relationships, make authentic choices and pursue our dreams with courage and clarity.
Speaker 1:This deep dive has really opened my eyes to the transformative power of self-acceptance. Before we wrap up, are there any key takeaways you'd like to leave our listeners with?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. First and foremost, remember that self-acceptance is about embracing all parts of yourself, not just the ones you deem acceptable. It's about recognizing that those imperfect parts are just as valuable and contribute to your unique beauty.
Speaker 1:It's about seeing the whole picture, appreciating the light and shadow that make up who we are.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and remember this is a journey, not a destination. It's something we cultivate over time through conscious effort and practice, but the good news is that it's never too late to start.
Speaker 1:So, even if our early experiences weren't ideal, we can still learn to accept ourselves unconditionally.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We can actively choose to challenge those ingrained beliefs and develop a more compassionate and accepting view of ourselves, and Nakashima provides us with practical tools to do just that, like accepting the negative. If, then planning and separating tasks.
Speaker 1:Those are powerful strategies that we can all implement in our daily lives, and the benefits, as we've explored, are truly life changing.
Speaker 2:They truly are. Self-acceptance extends far beyond just feeling good. It impacts our relationships, our decision making, our ability to achieve our goals and, ultimately, our overall sense of well-being.
Speaker 1:It's about living a more authentic, empowered and fulfilling life, and it all starts with accepting ourselves exactly as we are.
Speaker 2:Beautifully said.
Speaker 1:This has been so inspiring. I feel like I've gained a whole new perspective on self-acceptance.
Speaker 2:It is a powerful concept.
Speaker 1:It's not just about, you know, feeling good. It's about empowering ourselves to live more authentically and courageously.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think a big part of that is recognizing that our perceived flaws and imperfections. They're actually part of what makes us unique and valuable.
Speaker 1:It's like we've been given permission to embrace our whole selves, the light and the shadow.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and with that acceptance comes a sense of freedom and resilience that allows us to navigate life's challenges with more grace and ease.
Speaker 1:For our listeners who are feeling inspired to cultivate more self-acceptance in their own lives. What's one small step they can take this week to put these ideas into practice?
Speaker 2:Hmm, that's a great question. I would say start by noticing those moments of self-criticism or judgment you know, when you catch yourself putting yourself down, try to pause and offer yourself a little compassion instead.
Speaker 1:So instead of saying you know, I'm so stupid for making that mistake, maybe we could say everyone makes mistakes. I'm learning and growing.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's about shifting from a place of self-criticism to a place of self-compassion.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And remember it's a practice. It takes time and effort to rewire those ingrained patterns of negative self-talk. That's a great reminder, and we have those practical tools from Nakashima to help us along the way, like if-then planning and separating tasks Absolutely, those are great strategies to help us stay grounded and navigate challenging situations with more self-awareness.
Speaker 1:This deep dive has been so insightful. I feel like I'm walking away with a renewed sense of hope and a toolbox full of strategies to help me cultivate more self-acceptance.
Speaker 2:That's wonderful to hear and remember. Even small steps in the direction of self-acceptance can have a ripple effect on your life.
Speaker 1:That's so true. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us today. It's been a true pleasure.
Speaker 2:The pleasure was all mine.
Speaker 1:And to our listeners. Thank you so much for joining us on this deep dive into self-acceptance. We hope you gain some valuable insights and tools to help you on your own journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Remember you are worthy of love and acceptance exactly as you are. Until next time, keep diving deep and keep embracing all of who you are.
