All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan

The Happiness Within: Teru Nakashima's Path to Self-Affirmation and Joy

• Teru Nakashima

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Discovering Your Innate Happiness Through Self-Acceptance and Positive Focus

This document compiles key themes and ideas from psychological counselor Teru Nakashima's teachings on enhancing self-affirmation to achieve happiness. Nakashima asserts that by accepting, loving, and affirming oneself, one's perception of the world transforms and happiness increases. He teaches that humans are inherently happy and possess goodness from birth, and that by focusing on present happiness rather than pursuing satisfaction, we can live richer lives. The document also introduces specific exercises to cultivate personal happiness.

Key Themes and Ideas:

  • The Importance of Self-Affirmation: Loving yourself means understanding and acknowledging your various aspects. It's the feeling of "Wow, I really have so many different sides to me. That's amazing." 
    • Consider that all aspects of yourself, both good and bad, have value.
    • "When you affirm yourself, you can affirm the entire world around you." Self-affirmation leads to affirming others, trust, and love.
  • Inherent Happiness: Humans are born happy and possess goodness at their core. "Humans are born with a good heart and are innately moving forward." 
    • Regardless of painful past events, it's important to believe firmly that "I am inherently happy."
  • Focus on Present Happiness: Walk through life thinking "I am already sufficiently happy." It's essential to savor current happiness rather than feeling a sense of "lacking" something. 
    • Learn to think "both this and that" were good, rather than "either this or that."
  • Change in Worldview: When you come to like yourself, your view of the world changes, and the surrounding world also begins to appear happier. "When you become happy, it's not so much that people around you become happy, but rather that those around you 'appear happier' to you." 
    • Your sensitivity to happiness increases, allowing you to be more tolerant even toward negative people or those you don't get along with.
  • Emotional Control (Emotional Discipline): Rather than focusing on deficiencies like "I couldn't do it" or "I failed again," direct your attention to present happiness with thoughts like "I managed to do this much" or "Because I failed, I was able to learn."

Exercises to Make Yourself Happy:

  1. Value Yourself: "By loving yourself, you'll begin to see the goodness in others." Practice the "Three Good Things" exercise explained in Nakashima's book "Self-Affirmation Notebook."
  2. Find and Utilize Your Strengths: "When you can utilize your strengths, you can enjoy each day more." Write down 30 wishes and identify those that align with both excitement and your strengths.
  3. Continue Making Small Challenges: "By continuing to challenge small things without fear of failure, your possibilities expand." Visualize your current situation, identify specific actions, and set challenge goals every 10 days.

Important Quotes:

  • "It's not about simply liking yourself and praising yourself more and more, but rather the feeling of 'Wow, I really have so many different sides to me. That's amazing.'"
  • "When you affirm yourself, you can affirm the entire world around you."
  • "Humans are born with a good heart and are innately moving forward."
  • "I hope you proceed through life thinking 'I am already sufficiently happy.'"
  • "When you become happy, it's not so much that people around you become happy, but rather that those around you 'appear happier' to you."

Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem

Speaker 1:

All right, let's dive into this. Huh, self-affirmation and happiness. All guided by Turo Nakashima, this Japanese self-help author and counselor. We're looking into boosting self-esteem, happiness. You know the drill, and we've got some really interesting stuff from Nakashima. This idea right off the bat that we're like born happy babies aren't exactly masterminds of evil from day one, right? Just a thought. What do you think?

Speaker 2:

It's a different way of looking at self-affirmation, that's for sure. Nakashima's point is that it's not about this constant self-praise, but accepting everything about yourself the good, the bad, the whole shebang. He actually thinks that makes you tougher when things get rough.

Speaker 1:

So not forcing ourselves to only see the sunshine and rainbows, which never really works anyway yeah, he's, and rainbows, which never really works anyway.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he's got a different approach. Yeah, exactly. He compares it to like jamming a square peg into a round hole pointless. It's about appreciating your shape. You know, when we hide parts of ourselves, it creates this inner conflict. But truly accepting ourselves, that lets us be kind to ourselves even when we mess up, and that that self-love is huge.

Speaker 1:

For, wow, just feeling good and then nakashima takes this really interesting turn. He says we're all born happy and we should approach life from that place of joy. I can see how that might seem a bit I don't know idealistic, given well life. But I'm curious.

Speaker 2:

I get the skepticism totally. Life's not all sunshine and roses. We've got ups and downs, all the emotions, but Nakashima is talking about a fundamental shift in our mindset. Think about a baby. They feel everything so intensely but they don't have all the baggage we pick up as adults. They just are hungry, cry, happy cuckoo, pure experience, no filter, and in that Nakashima sees this basic happiness.

Speaker 1:

So it's like finding that joy again, even when things are tough. But what about when, say other people are negative? Does being happy mean ignoring the bad stuff?

Speaker 2:

That's a really good question and it gets to this idea Nakashima has of the ripple effect of self-love. He's not saying we should be naive or ignore negativity, but when you have that self-love and inner happiness, you see the world differently, more positively, more resiliently. You see the good in others, even when things are difficult. There's even research on this, a link between happiness and being well, just nicer, more helpful.

Speaker 1:

That makes me think of this example Nakashima gives about meeting a negative person. He says that if you're in a good place, you're more likely to see their humanity find something good, even if it's just their passion.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. It's about shifting your focus, choosing to see things in a more positive, compassionate way. It's not pretending everything's perfect. It's about perspective.

Speaker 1:

So how do we get to this happiness? Nakashima has a three-step plan, right.

Speaker 2:

He does. It comes from his response to someone at a seminar who was really struggling to find happiness and self-affirmation. The steps are cherish yourself, find your strengths and use them, and constantly take on small challenges.

Speaker 1:

Let's break those down, starting with cherish yourself. Sounds simple enough, but what does that actually look like?

Speaker 2:

It's about putting your well-being first, physically and emotionally. Self-care boundaries, being kind to yourself, having compassion, like imagine you're taking care of a garden, you tend to it, you help it grow.

Speaker 1:

I like that. The garden analogy. Step one setting the stage for self-love and happiness. Step two identify your strengths and put them to use. Why are strengths so important for happiness? It's something you hear a lot, but I want to hear what Nakashima says.

Speaker 2:

Well, think of it this way Our strengths are where we naturally shine, where we feel energized. When we do things that use our strengths, we get into this flow state completely absorbed, energized. That feeling of flow leads to feeling accomplished and, eventually, happier. Nakashima even has an exercise Write down 30 of your wishes, figure out which ones really use your strengths and excite you. Then actually work towards them.

Speaker 1:

It's like dreaming big, but with a plan, love it, yay. Okay, the last step Continuously engage in small challenges. This seems kind of counterintuitive. Why add more challenges when we're aiming for happiness?

Speaker 2:

Might seem that way, but it's all about confidence and pushing our boundaries. By taking on these little challenges, we show ourselves we can grow. We can overcome things, Nakashima says. To visualize where you are now, list actual steps to reach your goals Even set these little challenge goals every 10 days to keep the momentum going.

Speaker 1:

So it's those small wins, feeling like we're making progress, that builds our belief in ourselves. This is really resonating with me. There's so much more to uncover in Nakashima's work. Let's jump into how changing ourselves can change how we see the world. In part two of this deep dive, stick around.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a big idea, right Our inner and outer worlds. Nakashima is saying that by changing well ourselves, through self-affirmation, finding happiness, we can actually change how we experience the world around us.

Speaker 1:

That's really interesting. But could it go the other way? I mean, if we look for those causative experiences out in the world, even little ones, could that change how we feel inside? Boost that self-affirmation?

Speaker 2:

That's a question that a lot of psychologists are digging into these days. There's more and more research showing that, yeah, what we do, what we experience, can shape our thoughts and feelings. Studies show that things like showing gratitude, being kind to others, even just spending time in nature that can really lift your mood, make you feel better overall.

Speaker 1:

So it's kind of like a loop between good actions, good feelings, which lead to more good actions.

Speaker 2:

Right like a positive spiral, and this ties back to Nakashima's whole idea of embracing everything about ourselves, to Nakashima's whole idea of embracing everything about ourselves. When we accept ourselves, when we tap into that happiness, we naturally do things that bring us joy, things that make us feel good, and that just reinforces the whole thing.

Speaker 1:

It makes me think about those times when you kind of push yourself out of your comfort zone you know talking to a stranger finally finishing that project you've been putting off. You might feel scared at first, unsure, but then most of the time you feel more confident, like you accomplished something.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, it's all about challenging those thoughts that hold us back, stretching those comfort zones. Those little victories, they add up and they can change how we face new challenges, even how we interact with the people around us.

Speaker 1:

So, bringing it back to self-affirmation, it seems like there's this really strong connection between how we see ourselves and what we experience in the world. It's more than just thinking positive thoughts. It's about doing things, engaging with the world in a way that makes those positive beliefs stronger.

Speaker 2:

You got it. It's a whole package deal. You know it's about choosing experiences that feed that positivity.

Speaker 1:

This reminds me of something Nakashima wrote about how self-affirmation affects our relationships. He said if you affirm yourself, you can affirm the entire world around you. That's a pretty powerful statement, I think.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, definitely. It implies that, like that capacity for love and acceptance, it goes beyond just ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves, when we're happy, we tend to be more compassionate and understanding with others.

Speaker 1:

So it's not just about us feeling good, it's about creating this ripple effect of good vibes in our relationships and, well, just out in the world.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. Nakashima gives a great example of how this works in real life. Imagine you run into someone who's being super negative. Imagine you run into someone who's being super negative. If you're feeling peaceful and happy inside, you're more likely to see like the human side of them respond with empathy. You might even think, hey, at least they're passionate. But you know, if you're feeling down or insecure, you're more likely to get defensive or just sucked into their negativity.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, I think we've all been in those situations where someone's bad mood is like contagious. But this idea of meeting negativity with empathy, even finding something good in it, that's a totally different way of looking at things.

Speaker 2:

It is, it really is. It takes self-awareness, being able to manage your emotions, and that's where things like self-affirmation and mindfulness come in. When we work on ourselves, when we find that inner peace, we're better at handling tough situations without letting all that negativity get to us.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're building this shield of positivity, you know, to protect ourselves from all the negative stuff that's out there.

Speaker 2:

I like that the shield of positivity. It's not about pretending negativity doesn't exist. It's about choosing how we respond to it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah, I'm starting to see the bigger picture here. Self-affirmation it's not just about feeling good about yourself.

Speaker 2:

It's about cultivating this mindset that lets us embrace every part of ourselves, deal with challenges gracefully and send out those positive vibes to the people around us and, well, just out into the world. Exactly, it's a powerful tool for personal growth, for creating a life that's, you know, fulfilling, joyful.

Speaker 1:

This has been such a great conversation. We've really gone deep on self-affirmation, uncovered that happiness within each of us and talked about that age old question is happiness an inside job or does it come from outside?

Speaker 2:

And it sounds like maybe it's a little bit of both right.

Speaker 1:

Before we wrap up this deep dive into Nakashima's work, there's one more thing I want to touch on his take on destiny.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, His perspective on destiny is really interesting, very empowering.

Speaker 1:

All right, let's get into that in part three, where we'll see how self-affirmation and recognizing that inherent happiness can help us well become the main characters in our own lives. Stay with us.

Speaker 2:

And we're back, wrapping up our deep dive, with Teru Nakashima talking self-affirmation and happiness. We've covered some really cool stuff, you know, accepting ourselves fully, finding that joy. That's already there. Now let's get to Nakashima's take on destiny, which I think is super interesting.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's different. Nakashima doesn't see destiny as like this set path. It says we can shape our own destiny through our thoughts, our beliefs, our actions. So it's not about just waiting for good things. We actually create the life we want.

Speaker 2:

That's it. It's about knowing that we have choices, that they matter. It connects to this idea of self-efficacy, like believing we can succeed. There's research that shows when we believe in ourselves, when we think we can actually make a difference, we're more likely to well take action and stick with it, even when things get tough.

Speaker 1:

So it's not fate, it's about the decisions we make every day.

Speaker 2:

Right, we're writing our own stories.

Speaker 1:

That's a really powerful way to think about it. We're not just along for the ride, we're the ones creating the story. And this brings us back to Nakashima's three-step plan. Right, it's not just about feeling good, it's about giving ourselves the power to build the lives we want.

Speaker 2:

Exactly when we cherish ourselves, find our strengths, use them and face those challenges. We're shaping our destiny. We're shaping our destiny. We're taking control, creating a life that reflects well who we are, what we want.

Speaker 1:

Looking back at everything we've talked about, what really stands out to you from Nakashima's work?

Speaker 2:

You know, for me, it's how he focuses on acceptance as the core of real self-love. It's about acknowledging all parts of ourselves, the good, the bad, the whole thing, and choosing to love ourselves anyway From there, from that place of really accepting ourselves, that's where we can find tree happiness, a life that feels fulfilling.

Speaker 1:

That's a great way to put it, and I think that's the perfect place to wrap things up. As you go about your day, remember what Nakashima says You're the main character in your life story. Embrace who you are, find that joy and write a story that's truly yours. Thanks for joining us for this deep dive.

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