All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Teru Nakashima: A Pioneer in Self-Esteem Psychology
# Teru Nakashima: Leading Voice in Self-Esteem Psychology
Teru Nakashima is a prominent Japanese psychological counselor, author, and public speaker who developed "Natural Psychology," an approach to enhancing self-acceptance and transforming lives. After overcoming severe personal struggles, including a decade as a hikikomori (social recluse) and multiple suicide attempts, he independently studied psychology and therapy, developing methods that led to his own recovery and eventually helping others.
## Core Theory and Methodology
Nakashima's theory of self-acceptance centers on six fundamental elements:
- Sense of Existence: Feeling one's life has value
- Sense of Competence: Believing in one's abilities
- Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted in society
- Sense of Security: Having a safe space
- Self-Trust: Being reliable and dependable
- Self-Esteem: Recognizing one's inherent worth
His methodology follows three key steps:
1. Self-Recognition: Acknowledging all aspects of oneself
2. Self-Acceptance: Embracing one's complete self
3. Self-Affirmation: Recognizing one's inherent value
## Impact and Work
Nakashima has authored several bestselling books, including "Three Steps to Enhance Self-Acceptance" and "How to Love Yourself." He conducts training sessions nationwide for corporations, educational institutions, and hospitals. His YouTube channel and daily newsletter provide practical guidance on self-acceptance and personal growth.
His unique contribution includes the concept of "mental brakes" - unconscious blocks formed from past trauma and negative thought patterns. He teaches that true self-acceptance isn't about forced positivity but embracing one's authentic self completely. Nakashima also introduces "fudoshin" (immovable mind) as the ultimate state of self-acceptance - maintaining inner stability regardless of external circumstances.
His work particularly resonates in Japanese society, where issues of self-worth and social pressure are prevalent. Through seminars, books, digital content, and counseling sessions, Nakashima continues to provide hope and practical guidance to those struggling with self-acceptance, while his principles are increasingly applied in organizational development to improve workplace relationships and employee well-being.
All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Your Friends are the Roots: Discovering the Power of Connection
This podcast episode explores the impact of our inner circles on personal growth and emotional well-being. We dive into various types of relationships, likening them to trees in a forest that influence our lives in significant ways.
• Discussing the metaphor of social circles as forests
• Understanding the four types of trees: optimistic, empathetic, sensitive to energy, and grounded
• Presenting wisdoms for cultivating a flourishing social ecosystem
• Encouraging self-reflection on the influence of friends and their characteristics
Key Ideas and Supporting Details:
- The Core Principle: Nakashima asserts that the people we spend the most time with profoundly shape us. This is not just a saying but a proven phenomenon: "This is not merely a saying. It is a phenomenon I have witnessed repeatedly throughout my twenty years working with thousands of individuals seeking to transform their lives." The core concept is that we unconsciously absorb the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of those around us, ultimately influencing our own trajectory.
- The Forest Metaphor: Nakashima uses a vivid metaphor of a personal "forest" to illustrate the concept. The people in our lives are represented as different types of "trees," each contributing a unique influence (light, rain, wind, earth) to our growth: "What trees have you planted in your garden?"
- Different Types of Trees (People): Nakashima identifies four key types of "trees," each representing a specific influence or perspective:
- Trees That Face the Morning Sun: Optimistic, forward-thinking individuals who ask "Why?" and "How can this improve?" and who encourage growth and innovation. The example of the student who lost her optimism highlights how the wrong environment can dim one's light. "One of my students possessed from childhood an innate belief that 'tomorrow will surely be better.' But after entering the professional world, she found herself surrounded by voices saying, 'That's impossible' and 'Be realistic.'"
- Trees That Feel the Rain: Individuals sensitive to problems and challenges, asking "What's happening?" and "Where are the problems?" While valuable, an overabundance of these "trees" can create a negative and pessimistic atmosphere.
- Trees That Sense the Wind: Individuals attuned to social dynamics and relationships, feeling "Who am I with?" and "What currents are flowing?" These people are highly sensitive to their environment and require positive social currents to thrive. "Extremely sensitive to the forest's airflow, she couldn't display her true beauty in places with poor circulation."
- Trees That Connect with the Earth: Individuals focused on stability and grounding, valuing "What is certain?" and "What fruits will come?" An excess of this type can lead to stagnation and a lack of innovation.
- Cultivating Your Forest: Nakashima provides three "wisdoms" for nurturing one's personal "forest":
- Observe Your Forest: Become aware of the types of "trees" (people) in your life and the influence they have. "First, quietly observe what kinds of trees grow around you. What wind, light, rain, and soil do they bring you? Is your tree flourishing in this environment?"
- Sow New Seeds: Intentionally seek out relationships with people who offer different perspectives and positive influences. "Have the courage to visit forests where different types of trees grow. This doesn't mean cutting down existing trees – it means adding new varieties."
- Nurture Your Own Roots and Branches: Recognize that you are also part of other people's forests and strive to be a positive influence in their lives. "Remember that you are part of s
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
ever really think about the people you hang out with most, like those in your inner circle. You know there's this idea you become like the average of the five people closest to you, and well, today we're deep diving into that.
Speaker 2:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 1:We're looking at Teru Nakashima's the Average of Five, specifically an episode from his podcast all about self-esteem. He uses this really cool forest metaphor to talk about how our social circles impact us, which I thought was fascinating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a vivid image. I mean, we all kind of know the people we're around affect us, but, like comparing them to trees, it helps you see it differently, you know.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. Nakashima's main point is that these five people have a huge influence on well everything our thoughts, how we act, even like how our lives turn out. He even gives this example of an executive couldn't figure out why his company just felt stuck. Turns out everyone close to him, like all his advisors and stuff, thought way too similarly to him.
Speaker 2:Ah, makes sense. It's like if you try and grow a forest with only one type of tree, it's not going to be very healthy, is it? You need a mix, different kinds of trees, you know, with different needs, different strengths, for the whole thing to work. So like thinking about your own friends, your family, that circle. What kind of forest are you growing? Is it diverse, or is it a lot of the same type of tree?
Speaker 1:Okay, now I'm picturing everyone's friend group as a forest.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And to break this metaphor down even more, nakashima actually gives us these different types of people we might find in our forests, like different kinds of trees. Not about labeling people, just more about understanding the energy they bring.
Speaker 2:I like that. Yeah, more like what role they play in your social ecosystem, like, are they helping you grow or are they maybe holding you back a bit?
Speaker 1:Exactly so. First up, we've got the tree that faces the morning sun. This is that person who's always looking ahead, optimistic, always asking why and how can we do better, all about possibilities, total, brighter tomorrow kind of person.
Speaker 2:Right and think about that, just the effect of someone like that. Studies have shown that optimism it's like contagious right being around positive people. It just. It lifts you up. Less stress, maybe you even feel healthier physically.
Speaker 1:Makes sense.
Speaker 2:Nakashima even talks about the student who was naturally positive but then got surrounded by like a bunch of negativity. It almost crushed her spirit, you know, but then she found a community, people who had that same like morning sun outlook, and it reignited her own hope.
Speaker 1:Wow, it's like those positive people gave her the sunlight she needed to grow. Exactly it really makes you think about the energy you're surrounding yourself with. You know.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And it's not just about finding those positive people, but also like how can we be more like that ourselves? How can we be more like those trees that face the morning sun even when things are tough?
Speaker 1:That's a good question to think about. But before we get too deep into that, let's move on to the next tree, the tree that feels the rain. This is the one who's like, super sensitive to everything their own emotions, other people's emotions. They're usually the first to notice problems or like if the mood shifts yeah, we all know someone like that, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, super empathetic, really picks up on all those little social cues totally, and nakashima gives this example of a client brilliant at spotting problems, but, uh, always surrounded by these negative people, and it was just like overwhelming him, you know he couldn't see past it. But then he connected with some folks who, even though they saw the challenges, could also still see possibilities, and that started to change things for him. So it's not that being sensitive is bad. It's about finding that, finding that balance.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly. You need those people who can help you process those feelings and like see the bigger picture.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and if you relate to this rain tree type, maybe it's worth asking yourself are the people you're around helping you use your sensitivity in a good way, or is it just a lot of negativity? That's kind of amplifying it all.
Speaker 2:That's a good point.
Speaker 1:It's so true, finding those people who get it right. Okay, ready for the next tree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hit me with it all right.
Speaker 1:So we've got the trees that sense the wind. These are the ones like super tuned into those social vibes, all that energy okay walk into a room and just like feel the mood instantly. Nakashima talks about this assistant really talented, but she only really shined when the work environment was, you know, positive, supportive that's interesting, this whole sensing the wind thing.
Speaker 2:It reminds me of this concept in psychology. What's it called Emotional contagion? Basically, we pick up on other people's emotions without even realizing it. Our moods, they sort of sync up, so, like if you're already someone who's sensitive to those energy shifts, yeah, your surroundings are going to have a big impact.
Speaker 1:Wow, I didn't know there was like an actual term for that. So, thinking about the people in your life, you know who are the ones who bring that good energy and who are the ones who maybe you kind of feel drained after hanging out with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally. It could be a friend, a coworker, whoever Just notice those feelings, you know can help you be more deliberate about who you're spending time with, how you manage your own energy too.
Speaker 1:Definitely Okay. On to our last tree, and this one, I really connected with it. It's the trees that connect with the earth, Right grounded ones, practical, focused on, like solid results. Nakashima tells this story about an editor so focused on the roots you know the details of his work that he missed the bigger picture, like all those opportunities to grow. But then he started connecting with people who had totally different approaches, different perspectives, and things really took off for him.
Speaker 2:You know it's funny All these tree types. They have good sides and not so good sides, right Like being grounded, focused on results. That's great, but if it's all you do, you might miss out on some really cool ideas. You know the stuff that comes from people who think a little differently.
Speaker 1:Totally Like. A forest needs all kinds of trees. Yeah, that's what makes it strong.
Speaker 2:Exactly, Diversity is key. Each tree brings something different and for our own forests it means you don't have to have only morning sun people to be happy. Right, it's more about that balance of energies, what helps you grow.
Speaker 1:So how do we actually make that happen, create that balance?
Speaker 2:Well, luckily, nakashima gives us some ideas, three wisdoms he calls them.
Speaker 1:Not rules Right, more like guiding principles for creating a healthier social ecosystem. I guess you could say I like that he calls them wisdoms, because it's more about being thoughtful than following strict rules.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. So first one is observe your forest.
Speaker 1:Which is something we probably don't do enough right. We're just going, going surrounded by people. We're not really stopping to think about how they affect us. Yes, true. Like walking through a forest without actually seeing the trees. So Nakashima is saying slow down. Really, look at those people you're spending your time with. What's their energy like? Do they lift you up or bring you down? Are they helping you grow or maybe keeping you stuck?
Speaker 2:And it's not about judging anyone right Just understanding what the relationship is really like, how it affects you.
Speaker 1:And then, based on that, we can move to the second wisdom, which is sow new seeds.
Speaker 2:So not like getting rid of your whole forest right, More like being open to adding to it.
Speaker 1:Exactly, you don't get to ditch your friends, but maybe you can branch out a little. Seek out people who have strengths that you you might not have, people with different experiences. It could be joining a new club, taking a class or even just, you know, talking to someone you wouldn't normally.
Speaker 2:Stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit, you know you never know who you're going to meet.
Speaker 1:Could be a whole new kind of tree you never even knew existed.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and you might even become part of someone else's forest too right, bringing your own energy to their life. And that actually leads us to the third wisdom Nurture your own roots and branches.
Speaker 1:This one. It really got to me. We're so focused on how others are influencing us, but we forget we're part of their forests too, right.
Speaker 2:It's a two-way street right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, our growth helps everyone. It's like a symbiotic, I guess.
Speaker 2:That's a good word for it. We get support. We give support back.
Speaker 1:I like that. It's not just about like taking, it's about contributing, making sure the whole circle is healthy.
Speaker 2:And you know, the more we grow ourselves, the stronger we become, the better we can handle tough times. We can offer shade to others. You know, help out when things are rough. Celebrate everyone's growth.
Speaker 1:That's a beautiful way to put it. It's like we're all connected Our actions, our choices, they have a ripple effect.
Speaker 2:They do, and if we can be more aware of that, more intentional, maybe we can create a world where everyone's forest can thrive.
Speaker 1:Wow, so we covered a lot, huh, these different tree types, that balance thing and all those wisdoms for, like, building a good social circle. But before we finish up, what, what really stuck out to you?
Speaker 2:You know, for me it's this whole idea of like shifting how we see relationships. It's not just about who we hang out with, it's also how we, how we interact with them. You know how we help them grow too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like we're all part of this huge forest Right and we all affect each other.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and once you start seeing it that way, you've got to be more mindful, more intentional. Appreciate what each person brings you know.
Speaker 1:That we can actually choose what kind of forest we're creating. Like we can plant good things, be supportive, encourage each other, make it a place where everyone can do well.
Speaker 2:That's a great way to put it, where everyone can do well, that's a great way to put it, and it makes me think if you could invite anyone to your forest, like anyone at all, who would it be? Could be someone from history, a book character, even like a future you.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that's a tough one.
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 1:Who would I invite? I think Maya Angelou.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Her strength, her resilience and her words. Just imagine the conversations sitting under a big old tree.
Speaker 2:That'd be amazing, all the stories she could tell, the poems.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Okay, your turn. Who's in your forest and what kind of tree are they?
Speaker 2:You know what? I think I'd invite a future me Ten years from now, maybe Someone who's gone through the stuff I'm going through now and come out stronger on the other side. I bet that me would be like a redwood. A redwood, yeah, you know, tall, strong, weathered a lot of storms, but still standing giving shade shelter to everyone around them.
Speaker 1:That's powerful and it makes you realize like this whole thing is about personal growth too right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We're not just shaping the forest, we're growing within it too.
Speaker 2:Totally. We're always changing, learning, adapting, and the people around us. They're a big part of that.
Speaker 1:So, as you go about your day, I really want you to think about your own forest, really look at it, appreciate all the different trees you've got and think about those wisdoms we talked about. How can you make your forest a place that really supports you, helps you be your best self? It's totally possible.
Speaker 2:It is, and who knows, maybe if we all focus on our own forests, we can inspire others to do the same. You know, start a ripple effect of good stuff.
Speaker 1:That's a great thought to end on. Thanks for joining us for this deep dive into the power of our social circles.
