All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Teru Nakashima: A Pioneer in Self-Esteem Psychology
# Teru Nakashima: Leading Voice in Self-Esteem Psychology
Teru Nakashima is a prominent Japanese psychological counselor, author, and public speaker who developed "Natural Psychology," an approach to enhancing self-acceptance and transforming lives. After overcoming severe personal struggles, including a decade as a hikikomori (social recluse) and multiple suicide attempts, he independently studied psychology and therapy, developing methods that led to his own recovery and eventually helping others.
## Core Theory and Methodology
Nakashima's theory of self-acceptance centers on six fundamental elements:
- Sense of Existence: Feeling one's life has value
- Sense of Competence: Believing in one's abilities
- Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted in society
- Sense of Security: Having a safe space
- Self-Trust: Being reliable and dependable
- Self-Esteem: Recognizing one's inherent worth
His methodology follows three key steps:
1. Self-Recognition: Acknowledging all aspects of oneself
2. Self-Acceptance: Embracing one's complete self
3. Self-Affirmation: Recognizing one's inherent value
## Impact and Work
Nakashima has authored several bestselling books, including "Three Steps to Enhance Self-Acceptance" and "How to Love Yourself." He conducts training sessions nationwide for corporations, educational institutions, and hospitals. His YouTube channel and daily newsletter provide practical guidance on self-acceptance and personal growth.
His unique contribution includes the concept of "mental brakes" - unconscious blocks formed from past trauma and negative thought patterns. He teaches that true self-acceptance isn't about forced positivity but embracing one's authentic self completely. Nakashima also introduces "fudoshin" (immovable mind) as the ultimate state of self-acceptance - maintaining inner stability regardless of external circumstances.
His work particularly resonates in Japanese society, where issues of self-worth and social pressure are prevalent. Through seminars, books, digital content, and counseling sessions, Nakashima continues to provide hope and practical guidance to those struggling with self-acceptance, while his principles are increasingly applied in organizational development to improve workplace relationships and employee well-being.
All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Nurturing Self-Esteem in Children: Transformative Parenting Strategies
Unlock the secrets to building healthier self-esteem and learn how early childhood experiences shape our self-perception, often leading to a lifetime of self-doubt. Could the way we were praised—or not praised—as children be setting us up for a cycle of negative self-fulfilling prophecies? Dive into these intriguing questions with us as we explore insights from an exceptional self-care book. This episode sheds light on how parents, sometimes unknowingly, pass on their insecurities to their children, creating an environment where low self-esteem flourishes.
Join us for practical strategies that can alter this cycle. We share a specially adapted Three Good Things exercise for kids, designed to shift their focus toward positivity and help rewire their brains. Discover how parents can play a crucial role in modeling positive thinking and encouraging their children to elaborate on their positive experiences, fostering a more optimistic outlook. Walk away with valuable tools to nurture both your self-esteem and that of your children, setting the stage for a more confident future.
Timeline of Events
This timeline focuses on the development of low self-esteem as discussed in the text, rather than a specific historical sequence.
- Childhood:
- Experiencing traumatic events.
- Growing up in a home environment lacking affection.
- Being raised without praise from parents.
- Being compared unfavorably to siblings or others, leading to feelings of inferiority.
- Adolescence/Adulthood:
- Internalizing the belief that they are worthless or inadequate.
- Past failures or setbacks becoming deeply ingrained traumas, eroding confidence.
- Constant concern about the opinions of others.
- Experiencing emotional instability and blaming themselves for negative events.
- Parenthood (Potentially):
- Low self-esteem in parents leads to a lack of trust in their children.
- Parents restrict children's autonomy, often saying "no" and forcing them into activities.
- Suppression of children's desires and ambitions.
- Children develop low self-esteem as a result of parental behaviors.
- Present (Recommendation):
- Engage in the "Three Good Things" (or a variation of it - "Today's Good Things") exercise, adapted for children.
- Encourage children to identify positive aspects of their day.
- Parents lead by example, sharing their own positive experiences.
Cast of Characters
- 中島輝 (Teru Nakashima): The author of the excerpt, identified as a specialist on the topic of self-esteem. He provides advice and insights into the causes and remedies for low self-esteem.
- The Child with Low Self-Esteem: A central figure, representing individuals who have developed low self-esteem due to adverse childhood experiences. This character isn't a specific individual but rather a representation of the people the author is trying to help.
- The Parent with Low Self-Esteem: This character represents parents whose own low self-esteem negatively impacts their children's development.
- The Ideal Parent (Implicit): A parent who understands the importance of self-esteem, fosters open communication with their child, and supports their child's autonomy and self-worth. This parent isn't explicitly described but is implied as the goal.
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
Hey everybody and welcome back for another deep dive. Today we're going to be looking at something I think a lot of people are interested in, and that's self-esteem.
Speaker 2:Very important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we found this awesome book that is all about self-care and self-esteem and it's got a ton of practical advice and one of the things Practical advice is good. Yeah, one of the things that I thought was really fascinating was how the book talked about the origins of low self-esteem, a lot of it coming from like childhood right?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's really fascinating how much our early experiences, particularly in childhood, shape our self perception later in life. You know, it's like the foundation total upon which we build everything else yeah and it's.
Speaker 1:And they gave all these examples of things that can contribute to this, like a lack of praise or constantly being compared to siblings.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Or even past traumas, or you know.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and it's not just.
Speaker 1:Failures.
Speaker 2:You know one isolated incident, it can create this kind of like negative feedback loop. Oh, wow, you know where a child who maybe struggles in math? You know they've had these past experiences of being compared or not receiving enough praise, so they already have this belief like oh, I'm not good at school you know Right. And then, when they face a new math problem, you know that belief kicks in and they might give up easily. And then that struggle just reinforces the negative self-perception.
Speaker 1:Oh so it's just like a self-fulfilling, Exactly Like a self-fulfilling, exactly Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Speaker 2:Wow, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so then it makes you wonder how much are parents contributing to that?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Even unintentionally.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a really important point that the book delves into is how parents with low self-esteem can unknowingly contribute to their children's low self-esteem. Oh, that's so interesting. Yeah, it's like this. You know, it can manifest in different ways, like being overly controlling Okay. You know, maybe they're constantly saying no or they're pushing their kids into activities that the kids don't really enjoy.
Speaker 1:It's like they're projecting their own.
Speaker 2:It's almost like a projection of their own fears and limitations Right Right onto their children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so then that's got to affect the kid, right?
Speaker 2:Absolutely so, instead of, you know, fostering that sense of wonder and exploration and letting the child, kind of you know, discover their own interests and talents. They're getting the message that their choices and interests aren't really valued.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, it could be something as simple as constantly correcting their drawings or, as you know, overt as forcing them into piano lessons when they'd rather be playing soccer as forcing them into piano lessons when they'd rather be playing soccer. So how do we break that cycle? Well, the book has this great tip and it's a modified version of the Three Good Things exercise.
Speaker 1:Okay, I've heard of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, have you heard of that?
Speaker 1:For adults, but not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this is for kids.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's really simple but it's powerful because it helps rewire their brains towards positivity. Okay, it's really simple, but it's powerful because it helps rewire their brains towards positivity.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So, instead of focusing on what went wrong you know you ask your child what was good about today.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like that.
Speaker 2:Right. So it encourages them to actively search for those bright spots.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:And if they get stuck, you know it's important for the parent to kind of jump in and model this positivity.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:The book gives an example. Like you could say well, I really enjoyed that sunny walk we took this morning. What about you? Yeah, yeah, I love that, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was thinking like, instead of just letting them get away with a one word answer, you could really encourage them to elaborate, Like you know. What did you like about this walk? Was it the fresh air? Was it seeing the birds? You?
Speaker 2:know exactly you want to. You want to dig deeper yeah and the more specific they can be, the more they're really internalizing those positive feelings yeah, so it's like training them to be their own little happiness detectives, you know yeah and that reminds me of something else the book mentioned about how it's important to praise effort over outcome. Oh, that's crucial.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So instead of just saying great job on your drawing, you could say something like wow, I see you really focused on adding lots of detail to that tree and it looks amazing.
Speaker 2:I love that example because it shifts the focus to the process, to the child's effort and choices Right, and that really builds intrinsic motivation and a sense of agency. It's telling them you have the power to create something beautiful. That's so powerful, right, and that really builds intrinsic motivation and a sense of agency. It's telling them you have the power to create something beautiful.
Speaker 1:That's so powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So even for people who aren't parents.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think this is a really important lesson for all of us, absolutely, you know, take a moment each day to reflect on the good things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no matter how small, big or small.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it can really transform our outlook on life.
Speaker 2:It's a practice that can benefit us at any age, totally, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So, as we wrap up today's deep dive, here's something I want you to think about. Okay, what is one good thing, no matter how small that happened in your day today? Take a moment to really savor that feeling.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:And remember. Yeah keep diving deep and exploring those hidden depths within yourself and the world around you. Keep your hair banged. We'll catch you in the next one.
Speaker 2:See ya, bye.
Speaker 1:Bye.
