All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Teru Nakashima: A Pioneer in Self-Esteem Psychology
# Teru Nakashima: Leading Voice in Self-Esteem Psychology
Teru Nakashima is a prominent Japanese psychological counselor, author, and public speaker who developed "Natural Psychology," an approach to enhancing self-acceptance and transforming lives. After overcoming severe personal struggles, including a decade as a hikikomori (social recluse) and multiple suicide attempts, he independently studied psychology and therapy, developing methods that led to his own recovery and eventually helping others.
## Core Theory and Methodology
Nakashima's theory of self-acceptance centers on six fundamental elements:
- Sense of Existence: Feeling one's life has value
- Sense of Competence: Believing in one's abilities
- Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted in society
- Sense of Security: Having a safe space
- Self-Trust: Being reliable and dependable
- Self-Esteem: Recognizing one's inherent worth
His methodology follows three key steps:
1. Self-Recognition: Acknowledging all aspects of oneself
2. Self-Acceptance: Embracing one's complete self
3. Self-Affirmation: Recognizing one's inherent value
## Impact and Work
Nakashima has authored several bestselling books, including "Three Steps to Enhance Self-Acceptance" and "How to Love Yourself." He conducts training sessions nationwide for corporations, educational institutions, and hospitals. His YouTube channel and daily newsletter provide practical guidance on self-acceptance and personal growth.
His unique contribution includes the concept of "mental brakes" - unconscious blocks formed from past trauma and negative thought patterns. He teaches that true self-acceptance isn't about forced positivity but embracing one's authentic self completely. Nakashima also introduces "fudoshin" (immovable mind) as the ultimate state of self-acceptance - maintaining inner stability regardless of external circumstances.
His work particularly resonates in Japanese society, where issues of self-worth and social pressure are prevalent. Through seminars, books, digital content, and counseling sessions, Nakashima continues to provide hope and practical guidance to those struggling with self-acceptance, while his principles are increasingly applied in organizational development to improve workplace relationships and employee well-being.
All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
The Art of Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Individual
This episode explores the dynamics of being a highly sensitive person, highlighting both the unique strengths and challenges that accompany this trait. Listeners learn about emotional memory power, coping strategies for sensory triggers, the importance of self-care, and empowerment through community support.
- Discussing the brain's role in sensitivity
- Exploring emotional memory power and its effects
- Examining challenges with sensory triggers
- Sharing practical coping techniques
- Addressing the impact of rumination on sensitive minds
- Understanding decision-making methods for sensitive individuals
- Emphasizing the need for self-care and kindness
- Highlighting misconceptions about sensitivity
- Encouraging finding supportive communities
- Celebrating the unique gifts of being highly sensitive
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
Welcome to this deep dive, and today we're going to be looking into what it means to be a highly sensitive person.
Speaker 2:Oh cool.
Speaker 1:We've got some really fascinating insights from a psychologist who specializes in this area. Okay, and hopefully by the end of this deep dive, you'll walk away with a better understanding of your own experiences.
Speaker 2:Awesome.
Speaker 1:So why don't we just jump right in?
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:What is it like to be a highly sensitive person.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, one of the things that's really interesting is this idea of emotional memory power.
Speaker 1:Emotional memory power.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know how your brain, and specifically your amygdala right, processes emotions differently as a highly sensitive person. There have been studies that have shown that for highly sensitive people, the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that processes emotion, is simply more active, which means that you're not only experiencing emotions more intensely, but you're also forming stronger and more vivid memories tied to those emotions.
Speaker 1:So it's not just about feeling things more deeply, it's about how your brain is actually wired to process those feelings.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:On a physiological level.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean, would you say that highly sensitive people have like a superpower when it comes to memory?
Speaker 1:I don't know of superpower, but I mean, it's definitely like they're experiencing things on a different level.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like having a high definition TV for your emotions. You know every detail, both positive and negative, is amplified.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Think back to your own life, you know. Have you ever noticed how certain smells, sounds or even specific places can instantly transport you back to a powerful feeling from the past?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:That's emotional memory power.
Speaker 1:Like the smell of freshly cut grass. Yeah, I mean, that always takes me back to childhood summers.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Like it's so vivid and happy.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 1:But I can also see how that could be a challenge if those memories are linked to negative experiences. What happens then?
Speaker 2:Well, that's where things can get a little bit tricky, you know, because while these vivid memories can be a beautiful thing, they can also lead to some challenges, especially when it comes to triggers Triggers, so let's talk about what happens when those intense emotions get sparked unexpectedly. Okay For highly sensitive people. Seemingly random things in their environment can activate these intense emotional memories.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:Leading to, you know, anxiety, discomfort or even feeling completely overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:So how do you deal with that? It's not like you can always control what's around you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't control your surroundings, but what you can control is your reaction.
Speaker 1:Okay, I like that, taking back that sense of control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the psychologists we're looking at today actually offer some really practical strategies for managing those triggers.
Speaker 1:What kind of strategies are we talking about?
Speaker 2:Well, let's say sounds are a trigger for you, right? The expert recommends using headphones with soothing music.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Or even just earplugs to create a buffer Right. If certain smells are an issue, try surrounding yourself with enjoyable fragrances or experimenting with aromatherapy. Oh, interesting.
Speaker 1:And for those who are sensitive to bright lights, sunglasses can be a lifesaver.
Speaker 2:Makes sense.
Speaker 1:Sometimes even something as simple as moving away from the source of the trigger can make a world of difference.
Speaker 2:That's a good point. It's like having a toolkit for navigating those sensory challenges.
Speaker 1:Unlikely.
Speaker 2:You mentioned that even smells can be a trigger and I know you mentioned before that you often struggle with sensory overload in crowded places.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Does this expert have any advice for that?
Speaker 1:They do. They talk about the importance of creating a sensory sanctuary for yourself. What's a sensory sanctuary Like a place where you can go to decompress and recharge when the world feels too overwhelming.
Speaker 2:Oh OK.
Speaker 1:This could be a quiet room in your house, a favorite spot in nature, or even just a warm bath with some calming essential oils.
Speaker 2:I like that. It's about recognizing when you need a break and giving yourself permission to step away from it all.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Step away from the noise, the chaos.
Speaker 1:And here's a bonus Taking action to manage your triggers can actually boost your self-esteem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it shows you're prioritizing your well-being and taking charge of your experience.
Speaker 1:That makes sense.
Speaker 2:But it's not just about external triggers, is it?
Speaker 1:What else is there?
Speaker 2:Highly sensitive people can also get caught in a loop of internal triggers, what we call rumination.
Speaker 1:Rumination.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Isn't that just a fancy word for overthinking?
Speaker 2:You got it. I know I'm definitely guilty of that. Sometimes, and because those emotional memories are so vivid, it's easy for highly sensitive people to get stuck replaying past negative experiences in their minds.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:They dwell on the what ifs and should haves, which keeps those negative feelings alive and kicking.
Speaker 1:It's like a broken record in your head.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:You can't seem to turn it off.
Speaker 2:How do you break free from that cycle?
Speaker 1:Yeah, how do you?
Speaker 2:That's where the expert suggests creating what they call a coping list.
Speaker 1:A coping list. Okay, what is that?
Speaker 2:It's a pre-made list of activities that bring you joy and positive feelings.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Think of it as a quick escape route from that spiral of negativity.
Speaker 1:So it's like having a first aid kit for your emotions.
Speaker 2:You know what to reach for when you start to feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the beauty of it is that it's personalized to you. The expert suggests including simple things that are easily accessible. Okay, maybe it's savoring a cup of coffee in peace, indulging in your favorite treat or watching a music video that always lifts your mood.
Speaker 2:Those are good ideas. I can see how that would be helpful for someone who tends to overthink.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's about shifting your focus from the past to the present moment and actively cultivating positive feelings.
Speaker 1:Exactly Now. We've talked about how sensitive people experience emotions and manage triggers.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But what about how they approach decision making?
Speaker 2:That's a great question.
Speaker 1:Do you think their sensitivity plays a role in that too?
Speaker 2:I'm curious to hear more about that.
Speaker 1:Well, highly sensitive people tend to be very cautious and analytical when it comes to making decisions.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:They carefully weigh their options and try to anticipate potential consequences, which can sometimes slow them down.
Speaker 2:So they're not exactly known for being impulsive.
Speaker 1:Not really Got.
Speaker 2:They really take their time to think things through.
Speaker 1:I can see how that could be both a strength and a weakness Right. It's great to be thoughtful.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But sometimes you just need to make a move.
Speaker 2:Right, and that's where it can get tricky.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:This tendency to overanalyze can lead to frustration for others who might perceive them as indecisive, and for the highly sensitive person it can feel like they're constantly being pressured to relinquish control.
Speaker 1:So how do they navigate that delicate balance? What does the expert recommend?
Speaker 2:Well, this is where it gets really interesting. The expert suggests a technique called the empty chair exercise.
Speaker 1:Empty chair. That sounds a bit strange to me.
Speaker 2:It might sound a little unusual but stay with me. First you write down your dilemma or the decision you're struggling with.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Then you set up two chairs.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:You place the paper with your problem on one chair which represents the worried. You sit in the other chair, becoming the wise advisor.
Speaker 1:So you're basically having a conversation with yourself. That's an interesting approach.
Speaker 2:You talk to yourself, offering advice and perspective to that worried part of you.
Speaker 1:I can see how that would be helpful.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:To gain some objectivity and tap into your own inner wisdom.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It helps you harness your natural strength, like carefulness and thoroughness, and reclaim that sense of self-determination.
Speaker 1:I love how this technique empowers you to make decisions from a place of strength and clarity, rather than feeling pressured by external forces.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Speaking of empowerment, this whole idea of regaining control over your experiences really ties back to something our expert mentioned about self-care Self-care they emphasize that treating yourself with kindness and respect is crucial, especially for highly sensitive individuals.
Speaker 1:I mean that's a message we could all benefit from hearing. Absolutely Self-care isn't selfish, it's essential for well-being.
Speaker 2:And when you neglect your own needs, it can have a ripple effect, impacting your relationships and even your overall outlook on life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's about recognizing that you deserve to be treated with care and compassion, just as you would treat someone you love.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:This conversation has been so insightful already. I'm really enjoying this deep dive into the world of high sensitivity.
Speaker 2:Me too. It's fascinating stuff. It's interesting. You know, we often associate sensitivity with being kind of, like you know, easily overwhelmed or fragile. But our expert suggests a different perspective.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they see sensitivity as like a superpower.
Speaker 1:You know it's a superpower.
Speaker 2:This unique ability to perceive the world in a much richer way, a more nuanced way.
Speaker 1:So it's not about trying to suppress or diminish your sensitivity.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's more about learning to harness its potential.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:How do you actually do that, though? How do you turn this superpower into something that works for you and not against you?
Speaker 2:Right, well, that's where the real work comes in.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's about cultivating self-awareness, understanding your triggers and developing coping mechanisms that allow you to navigate the world without feeling constantly bombarded. It's like learning to control the volume knob on your emotions. You know, okay, okay, you don't want to mute them, completely right, but you also don't want them blaring at full volume all the time.
Speaker 1:That's a great analogy, thanks. So it's about finding that sweet spot yeah where you can fully experience life's richness without being totally overwhelmed exactly and our expert also talks about the importance of setting boundaries. Boundaries.
Speaker 2:Both with yourself and with others.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's interesting. So what does that look like in practice?
Speaker 2:Well. For highly sensitive people, setting boundaries is crucial for protecting their energy and their emotional well-being. It's about learning to say no to things that drain you and prioritizing activities that nourish and recharge you.
Speaker 1:So it's about being more intentional with your time and energy.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and it's also about communicating your needs to others.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Letting them know what works for you and what doesn't.
Speaker 1:So it's not just about managing your own sensitivity.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:But it's also about educating others.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:About what it means to be a highly sensitive person In your experience. What are some common misconceptions about highly sensitive people?
Speaker 2:Oh, there are definitely a few.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:One big one is that sensitive people are weak or overly emotional.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've heard that one before.
Speaker 2:But you know, in reality they're often deeply insightful and empathetic.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:They pick up on subtleties that others might miss, and they have a profound capacity for understanding and connecting with others.
Speaker 1:It's almost like they have an extra sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That allows them to perceive the world on a deeper level.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Another misconception is that sensitivity is something you can just like snap out of.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:It's not a choice, it's an inherent trait.
Speaker 1:It's a part of who they are.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Just like their eye color or their personality type.
Speaker 2:Right, and trying to force someone to suppress their sensitivity can actually be quite harmful.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:It's like telling a fish to stop swimming. You know it goes against their nature.
Speaker 1:And it can lead to feelings of shame, guilt or like there's something wrong with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So instead of trying to change who you are, it's about embracing your sensitivity and finding ways to make it work for you.
Speaker 1:I like that, yeah, finding ways to make it work for you.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's about recognizing the unique gifts that come with being highly sensitive, you know. This reminds me of a quote from our expert that really resonated with me. They said every event is a prelude to something better.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's powerful.
Speaker 2:Isn't it?
Speaker 1:So, even those challenging experiences, those moments that feel overwhelming, they're not the end of the story.
Speaker 2:Not at all. They're opportunities for growth, learning and, ultimately, leading to something even more beautiful.
Speaker 1:That's such a hopeful message. It's about trusting that, even when things feel tough, there's a bigger picture unfolding, exactly. But it also puts the responsibility on us to actively seek out something better. Right, it's not just going to magically appear. No, we have to be open to it.
Speaker 2:You got it, which brings us to the idea of finding your tribe.
Speaker 1:Your tribe.
Speaker 2:Your community of people who truly understand and appreciate your sensitivity.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's so important Because feeling isolated or like you don't belong can be especially challenging for highly sensitive people.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's like speaking a different language that not everyone understands.
Speaker 1:Right, and when you find those people who get you, who validate your experiences and celebrate your unique way of being, it's incredibly empowering.
Speaker 2:It's like finding your missing puzzle piece.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You finally feel seen and understood.
Speaker 1:For who you truly are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but how do you actually go about finding these kindred spirits?
Speaker 1:That's a good question.
Speaker 2:Well, it might take some effort, okay, especially if you're naturally more introverted, but there are so many ways to connect with like-minded people.
Speaker 1:Like what.
Speaker 2:There are online groups, support communities, even workshops or retreats specifically for highly sensitive people.
Speaker 1:It's about putting yourself out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because the rewards of finding your tribe are so worth it.
Speaker 1:I agree, and you might be surprised at how many people share your experiences and perspective.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, our expert also emphasized the importance of self-compassion.
Speaker 1:Self-compassion.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:I think it's essential for everyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But especially for highly sensitive people. Okay, it's about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend. It's about recognizing that you're human, that you're going to make mistakes.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that it's OK to not be perfect.
Speaker 1:It's about silencing that inner critic.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And replacing it with a voice of support and encouragement.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and for highly sensitive people, who often experience emotions more intensely, self-compassion is an essential tool for navigating life's challenges.
Speaker 1:It makes sense because when you're able to be kind to yourself, even when you're struggling, it creates a sense of resilience and inner strength.
Speaker 2:It's like having a soft place to land when things get tough, which reminds me of something else our expert talked about the power of reframing.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, reframing. Can you remind us what that's all about?
Speaker 2:Reframing is about shifting your perspective on a situation. It's about looking for the opportunity or the lesson within a challenge, rather than focusing solely on the negative.
Speaker 1:That's like turning a lemon into lemonade.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and for highly sensitive people, who tend to be more aware of subtleties and complexities, reframing can be an incredibly powerful tool for transforming their experiences.
Speaker 1:So it's not about denying or minimizing the challenges.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:But rather about choosing to see them through a different lens. Exactly, and that simple shift in perspective can make all the difference in how you feel and how you respond to a situation. It's about empowering yourself to create a more positive and fulfilling experience, even amidst life's inevitable ups and downs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this whole conversation has been so inspiring.
Speaker 1:I agree. It's a reminder that sensitivity is not a burden but a gift, and that there are so many ways to embrace it and make it work for you.
Speaker 2:I couldn't agree more. It's about celebrating the unique beauty of sensitivity and recognizing the incredible strength and resilience it brings to the world.
Speaker 1:Well said and, on that note, I think this is a great place to pause and take a breath Before we dive into the last part of our deep dive. All right, so we're back and you know we've covered a lot of ground in this deep dive already.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we have.
Speaker 1:From the science of high sensitivity to the power of reframing.
Speaker 2:It's been really interesting.
Speaker 1:It has. And before we wrap things up, I wanted to touch on something we briefly mentioned earlier.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:This idea of high sensitivity being a superpower.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's an interesting one.
Speaker 1:It's such an intriguing concept. It is Because it's so easy to get caught up in the challenges of being highly sensitive that we forget to acknowledge all the incredible strengths that come with it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So we talked about how highly sensitive people are often deeply empathetic and insightful.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They pick up on nuances that others might miss.
Speaker 2:They do, do you think?
Speaker 1:this superpower extends beyond just like personal interactions. Oh, definitely, I mean think about fields like just like personal interactions.
Speaker 2:Oh, definitely. I mean. Think about fields like art, music, writing, even science. Okay, these are all areas where sensitivity can be a huge asset.
Speaker 1:That's a good point. I mean, a highly sensitive artist might be able to create works that evoke deep emotions in others. A musician might be able to express themselves through music in a way that resonates on a soul level.
Speaker 2:Totally, and a scientist with high sensitivity might be able to pick up on subtle patterns and data that others overlook.
Speaker 1:Interesting.
Speaker 2:Leading to groundbreaking discoveries.
Speaker 1:So it's like having this heightened awareness of the world around you, which can be incredibly valuable in so many different fields.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and let's not forget the profound capacity for connection that comes with high sensitivity.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Highly sensitive people are often deeply attuned to the emotions and needs of others.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Making them. You know, incredible friends, partners, family members.
Speaker 1:They can bring a level of depth and understanding to relationships that's truly special.
Speaker 2:It is. So, while it's important to acknowledge the challenges of high sensitivity, it's equally important to celebrate the gifts that come with it.
Speaker 1:I completely agree. It's about embracing all aspects of yourself, the light and the shadow, and recognizing that your sensitivity is an integral part of what makes you unique and extraordinary Beautifully said. Well, as much as I'm enjoying this conversation, I know we need to start wrapping things up.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Is there anything else you'd like to add before we say goodbye?
Speaker 2:Just one final thought Remember that every event, every experience is a prelude to something better. Even those moments that feel challenging or overwhelming are opportunities for growth and transformation.
Speaker 1:It's a reminder to stay curious, stay open and keep trusting the journey Exactly, Even when things feel uncertain.
Speaker 2:Embrace your sensitivity, nurture your strengths and never stop exploring the incredible possibilities that life has to offer.
Speaker 1:What a beautiful message to end on. This has been such an enlightening deep dive into the world of high sensitivity.
Speaker 2:It really has.
Speaker 1:I feel like we've only just scratched the surface.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But hopefully you feel more equipped to understand and navigate your own experiences.
Speaker 2:And remember you're not alone on this journey.
Speaker 1:That's so important to remember.
Speaker 2:There are countless others who share your unique way of experiencing the world.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining us for this deep dive. We'll see you next time.
