All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Teru Nakashima: A Pioneer in Self-Esteem Psychology
# Teru Nakashima: Leading Voice in Self-Esteem Psychology
Teru Nakashima is a prominent Japanese psychological counselor, author, and public speaker who developed "Natural Psychology," an approach to enhancing self-acceptance and transforming lives. After overcoming severe personal struggles, including a decade as a hikikomori (social recluse) and multiple suicide attempts, he independently studied psychology and therapy, developing methods that led to his own recovery and eventually helping others.
## Core Theory and Methodology
Nakashima's theory of self-acceptance centers on six fundamental elements:
- Sense of Existence: Feeling one's life has value
- Sense of Competence: Believing in one's abilities
- Sense of Belonging: Feeling accepted in society
- Sense of Security: Having a safe space
- Self-Trust: Being reliable and dependable
- Self-Esteem: Recognizing one's inherent worth
His methodology follows three key steps:
1. Self-Recognition: Acknowledging all aspects of oneself
2. Self-Acceptance: Embracing one's complete self
3. Self-Affirmation: Recognizing one's inherent value
## Impact and Work
Nakashima has authored several bestselling books, including "Three Steps to Enhance Self-Acceptance" and "How to Love Yourself." He conducts training sessions nationwide for corporations, educational institutions, and hospitals. His YouTube channel and daily newsletter provide practical guidance on self-acceptance and personal growth.
His unique contribution includes the concept of "mental brakes" - unconscious blocks formed from past trauma and negative thought patterns. He teaches that true self-acceptance isn't about forced positivity but embracing one's authentic self completely. Nakashima also introduces "fudoshin" (immovable mind) as the ultimate state of self-acceptance - maintaining inner stability regardless of external circumstances.
His work particularly resonates in Japanese society, where issues of self-worth and social pressure are prevalent. Through seminars, books, digital content, and counseling sessions, Nakashima continues to provide hope and practical guidance to those struggling with self-acceptance, while his principles are increasingly applied in organizational development to improve workplace relationships and employee well-being.
All about Self-esteem by Teru Nakashima, Japan
Reframing Self-Talk: Embracing Positivity and Resilience
The episode focuses on the transformative power of reframing self-talk, highlighting techniques and insights from psychologist Teru Nakashima. We discuss how intentional shifts in language can enhance self-esteem, foster resilience, and improve overall mental well-being, while exploring practical methods such as gratitude practices and self-compassion.
• Discussion of self-talk and its significance
• Introduction to Teru Nakashima's reframing techniques
• Insight into the science of self-talk and its effects
• Exploration of social influences on self-esteem
• Tangible reframing strategies for everyday life
• Benefits of gratitude and self-compassion practices
• Overview of mindful movement for emotional release
• Key takeaways on nurturing a positive mindset
• Final thoughts on empowering ourselves through language
Reframing Negative Thoughts to Boost Self-Esteem
- Why do we tend to focus on reasons why we can't do something?
- When faced with challenges or setbacks, it's a common human tendency to gravitate towards identifying reasons for our inability to succeed or take action. This is often due to the ease with which excuses and negative thoughts surface, especially when feeling discouraged. These negative thoughts can often feel like a safe harbor, despite the negative impact they have.
- How do negative words impact us?
- Negative words, whether spoken aloud or thought internally, can amplify feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension. They tend to trigger our minds to focus on potential failures and limitations, acting as a brake on our motivation and actions. Paradoxically, complaining or focusing on negative aspects may feel momentarily relieving, but it often fuels a deeper sense of negativity in our subconscious, making progress harder to achieve.
- What is "reframing," and how does it help?
- Reframing is a technique that involves consciously converting negative expressions or thoughts into positive ones. By actively changing our internal dialogue from focusing on what we can't do to focusing on what we can do or are doing, reframing helps to shift our mindset toward success. This positive self-talk boosts motivation and creates a more positive emotional state that encourages action.
- Can you give me examples of how to reframe negative statements?
- Yes, here are some examples: instead of thinking "I'm too tired to do this," try "I've been working hard, so I'll keep going a little longer." Instead of "This is boring," try "This is getting interesting." Instead of "Why won't anyone help me?", try "It would be helpful if someone could do X." The key is to look for the positive spin, even in difficult situations.
- How does using positive words improve self-esteem?
- Words have a powerful impact on our subconscious. Positive words foster a sense of self-worth and confidence by reinforcing a belief in our abilities and potential for success. They also help us to focus on solutions, not problems. This in turn helps to maintain and increase our self-esteem over time.
- How does reframing influence not only yourself but the people around you?
- Reframing has a ripple effect. When you consciously choose to express yourself positively, you not only shift your own emotional state but can positively influence the emotions of others around you. Using positive language to interact with others and give praise or encouragement causes a positive feedback loop. When you praise others, you’re also subconsciously providing yourself with positive reinforcement. This in turn helps your self esteem grow over time.
- Is it true that the people we surround ourselves with affect our self-esteem?
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
All right, so get ready, because today we're going to dive deep into self-talk.
Speaker 2:Ooh, self-talk.
Speaker 1:But with a twist.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:We're focusing on a technique called reframing.
Speaker 2:Reframing Interesting.
Speaker 1:And to help us with this, we're going to be looking at the work of Japanese psychologist Teru Nakashima.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm familiar with some of his work.
Speaker 1:He's like all about helping people unlock their confidence and really achieve those goals.
Speaker 2:It's so important. You know that inner voice, Absolutely, it can really make or break us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what's fascinating about Nakashima's approach is that he really emphasizes this idea that the words we use, even just in our own heads, you know, they have this real impact on how we feel and even how we act.
Speaker 2:So it's not just about like positive vibes, right.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:There's actual science behind this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's some real science backing this up. Fascinating, pretty cool.
Speaker 2:So like, almost like, we're programming ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:With our own words.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Our self-talk is like this internal script that we're constantly writing. Oh, I like that.
Speaker 2:And it can almost program us, you know, for certain outcomes. Yeah, and it makes you wonder too about like the people around us Right how they impact our self-talk.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Like you know, nakashima even suggests that like yeah if you're surrounded by people with like super high self-esteem, it can actually boost your own.
Speaker 1:Whoa. So it's like contagious almost.
Speaker 2:It's like, yeah, this positive energy that you kind of absorb.
Speaker 1:It makes me think about like mirror neurons. Oh, interesting. You know how, when we observe actions, our brains fire as if we're doing them ourselves?
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 1:Is there a connection there, do you think?
Speaker 2:I think you're spot onon. There's definitely a link, I think, between how our brains process other people's behavior okay and even their emotions, and how that, like, feeds back into our own internal state.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's pretty profound. It is so. It's like we're constantly in this feedback loop with ourselves and with others yeah, and, and.
Speaker 2:Nakashima really highlights this by pointing out how, how, like those really common negative phrases. You know the things we say all the time.
Speaker 1:The ones we don't even notice.
Speaker 2:Exactly Like I'm so tired.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know, this is pointless. I hate when I get in that mindset.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they seem so harmless at first, but they can really trigger these feelings of defeat, wow and actually like prevent us from taking action.
Speaker 1:So they really hold us back.
Speaker 2:They do. It's like they're, these little seeds of negativity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's funny how those phrases they seem so harmless but they can really snowball into this like spiral.
Speaker 2:It's like a downward spiral, I know.
Speaker 1:I've definitely fallen into that trap before oh, we all have it's so easy to do it is, it is but uh, what's interesting is that nakashima offers this solution. Okay, and it's called reframing reframing.
Speaker 2:Okay, have you heard of this? I have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like it's pretty cool it reminds me of cognitive behavioral therapy oh yeah but applied to our self-talk exactly, instead of just letting those negative phrases, you know right run on autopilot, uh-huh we actively replace them with more empowering language so you're taking control of that narrative. Exactly interesting, so instead of I'm tired, maybe it's like I've accomplished a lot today, I'm gonna push through. I like that. It's like a mental judo move yes, redirecting that energy yeah, redirecting that negative energy exactly.
Speaker 2:It's pretty cool. I love that analogy nakashima.
Speaker 1:He really encourages us to become more aware of these phrases, yeah, and consciously swap them out, right? For example, he says instead of this is pointless, you could say I'm curious to understand this better.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a good one, right yeah?
Speaker 1:And instead of I'm going to miss this deadline, you could say let's strategize and make this happen.
Speaker 2:So, instead of accepting defeat, you're problem solving.
Speaker 1:Exactly, you're taking action. It's a much more empowering approach.
Speaker 2:It is, it is, it is.
Speaker 1:But is there evidence that this internal dialogue shift actually leads to real change?
Speaker 2:That's the question, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, what's really interesting is that there have been studies on these cognitive reframing techniques and they have shown what have they shown? That they can lead to increased motivation.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:A greater sense of control and a more positive outlook overall. So it's like it's like rewiring your brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, rewiring your brain's response to challenges. Exactly that's really cool.
Speaker 2:It is, it is.
Speaker 1:So it's not just about feeling good, it's like equipping yourself to really handle whatever comes your way. Precis, to really handle whatever comes your way.
Speaker 2:Precisely. It's like building that inner resilience. Yes, exactly, and what's even more fascinating is that Nakashima, he argues.
Speaker 1:What's he argue?
Speaker 2:That this positive self-talk. It extends beyond just personal benefit.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:You know, when we encourage others or we give someone a compliment, he says we're actually subconsciously reinforcing those positive messages.
Speaker 1:Within ourselves.
Speaker 2:Within, ourselves, within ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like creating this ripple effect. So are you saying there's a connection between being kind to others? And boosting our own self-esteem.
Speaker 2:I think there's definitely a link there.
Speaker 1:That's really interesting. It is I never thought about it that way.
Speaker 2:Think about it this way. Interesting it is. You know, I never thought about it that way. Think about it this way Every time you offer genuine encouragement to someone, you're also practicing those positive thought patterns.
Speaker 1:In your own mind.
Speaker 2:In your own mind. It's like a positive feedback loop.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's a really cool way to look at it.
Speaker 2:It is, and it brings us to another point.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That Nakashima emphasizes.
Speaker 1:What's that?
Speaker 2:And that's the relationship between our language and our self-worth. Okay, he says that by consistently choosing positive words, we actually strengthen our own sense of confidence.
Speaker 1:So we're not just managing negativity, we're actually building a stronger sense of self. I'm starting to see how powerful this whole concept of reframing really is.
Speaker 2:It's a game changer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 2:It shifts your whole perspective.
Speaker 1:It does Okay. So last time we really dug into how our internal dialogue you know, even those tiny phrases we use can shape our reality.
Speaker 2:It's amazing, right, how powerful our thoughts are.
Speaker 1:And this whole idea of reframing, where we actively swap those negative thoughts for more empowering language.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It's got me thinking differently about like everything.
Speaker 2:I know it's a game changer.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:But what's fascinating is that Nakashima doesn't stop there.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:He goes deeper.
Speaker 1:Okay, tell me more.
Speaker 2:He actually explores how our social environment impacts our self-esteem.
Speaker 1:Wait, hold on. Yeah, are you saying that the people we hang out with can affect how we feel about ourselves?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. His research shows that being around people with low self-esteem can actually bring your own self-esteem down.
Speaker 1:Wow, so it's not just about our own thoughts, it's not.
Speaker 2:It's also about the energy. It is of those around us. Exactly. It's like we're absorbing their energy. That's making me rethink who I spend time with. It's worth considering, but so does that mean like we need to cut off everyone who's struggling with self-doubt?
Speaker 1:not necessarily. It's not about cutting people off yeah it's more about like being aware aware what. Of the energy we're taking in and making sure we're also surrounding ourselves with things that uplift us and help us grow.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:You know like tending a garden. Okay, yeah, you want to surround yourself with plants that thrive.
Speaker 2:So we've got our social circle Right, but what about that internal dialogue? That's key too. How do like actively cultivate a more positive inner world?
Speaker 1:This is where Nakashima's concept of positive affirmations comes in.
Speaker 2:Okay, I've heard of affirmations.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I'm not sure I get like how they work.
Speaker 1:Well, remember how we talked about the power of suggestion.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Our brains are like sponges.
Speaker 2:They soak everything up Exactly. They absorb the messages we feed them.
Speaker 1:Both good and bad. Exactly so are you saying that just repeating positive phrases can really make a difference?
Speaker 2:It's not just about empty repetition, okay. It's about consciously choosing language that empowers us.
Speaker 1:Like, instead of saying I can't do this.
Speaker 2:Right, Exactly. You could say I'm capable of figuring this out.
Speaker 1:So you're basically reframing that limiting belief into something more empowering.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're replacing it with a new belief.
Speaker 1:But how does that actually work, like psychologically?
Speaker 2:Well, Nakashima believes that when we repeat these positive affirmations, our subconscious mind starts to accept them as truth. Oh interesting, it's like the same way it internalizes negative self-talk.
Speaker 1:So it's like retraining our brains.
Speaker 2:It is. It's like rewiring those neural pathways.
Speaker 1:To think more positively. It's almost like we're writing our own internal code.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:That's a great analogy, Wait over time, these affirmations, they become part of us.
Speaker 2:They do. They influence our thoughts and our feelings.
Speaker 1:Even our actions.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's pretty incredible.
Speaker 2:It's, you know. It aligns with this concept of neuroplasticity.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I've heard of that.
Speaker 2:The idea that our brains can actually change and adapt.
Speaker 1:Based on our experiences.
Speaker 2:And our thought patterns.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:It's amazing, right.
Speaker 1:But what about those days when the negative thoughts just take over?
Speaker 2:Those days are going to happen. They are but remember it's not about denying those negative emotions Okay, it's about acknowledging them, but not letting them control us.
Speaker 1:So finding that balance between acknowledging the negative without letting it run the show.
Speaker 2:You got it.
Speaker 1:Nakashima says reframing isn't about suppressing those emotions right it's about choosing a different response choosing a more empowering response so we always have a choice we always have a choice and how we react exactly makes me think of Viktor Frankl. Oh, interesting connection. His work on finding meaning in suffering is Powerful stuff. Even when things are really tough, we can still choose our attitude.
Speaker 2:We can choose how we respond.
Speaker 1:Nakashima's work is similar.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:Even if we can't find that silver lining, we can still focus on what we can learn.
Speaker 2:Exactly Turning those setbacks into opportunities for growth.
Speaker 1:So, instead of dwelling on what's wrong, we can ask ourselves what can I learn from this?
Speaker 2:Or how can I use this to get stronger?
Speaker 1:It's a subtle shift.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:But it's powerful.
Speaker 2:It can make all the difference.
Speaker 1:This whole conversation is making me realize how much power we have we do Over our own happiness.
Speaker 2:That's the key takeaway.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're not powerless.
Speaker 1:We have the ability to create a better life.
Speaker 2:A more fulfilling life.
Speaker 1:By choosing our thoughts. Reframing negativity and surrounding ourselves with those positive influences.
Speaker 2:It all works together.
Speaker 1:Definitely a framework. I want to keep exploring.
Speaker 2:I encourage you to.
Speaker 1:Before we move on? Is there anything else about putting this into practice that Nakashima highlights?
Speaker 2:There is actually All right.
Speaker 1:so we've talked about the science behind it, We've talked about those social influences.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but.
Speaker 1:I really want to get into like.
Speaker 2:The practical stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the nitty gritty. How do we actually use this?
Speaker 2:Right, how do we put it into practice?
Speaker 1:Reframing in our daily lives.
Speaker 2:Well, good news, Nakashima he actually gives us some pretty tangible tools.
Speaker 1:Okay, that, that's what I like to hear. And he emphasizes yeah.
Speaker 2:It's not about these big overhauls.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:You don't have to change everything overnight, right? It's more about cultivating like these simple, sustainable habits.
Speaker 1:So small steps.
Speaker 2:Small steps.
Speaker 1:Consistent changes.
Speaker 2:Consistent Exactly.
Speaker 1:I can get on board with that yeah, much more manageable. So what kind of habits are we talking about?
Speaker 2:Well, one of the most potent practices. Okay, it's called the gratitude practice.
Speaker 1:Gratitude practice.
Speaker 2:The gratitude yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm intrigued, it's pretty simple actually. Tell me more.
Speaker 2:Each day, you take a few moments to consciously reflect on three things you're grateful for.
Speaker 1:Three things.
Speaker 2:okay, it could be anything, anything, big or small.
Speaker 1:Give me some examples.
Speaker 2:A delicious meal you ate.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:A sunny day, a nice conversation with a friend.
Speaker 1:So it's kind of like keeping a gratitude journal.
Speaker 2:It can be, but the real key is to really feel that appreciation.
Speaker 1:Like really embody it Exactly. But how does that tie into reframing negativity? Well, gratitude, okay, it's like this antidoteing negativity.
Speaker 2:Well, gratitude.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's like this antidote to negativity when we focus on what we're thankful for, our attention shifts away from what's lacking or wrong.
Speaker 1:It's like that whole scarcity mindset versus abundance.
Speaker 2:You got it.
Speaker 1:Instead of focusing on what's missing, you're appreciating what you have.
Speaker 2:Exactly. And, what's really cool, makishima's research yeah it suggests what that this practice gratitude. Okay, it has so many benefits like what well studies have shown increased happiness okay, that makes sense stronger relationships wow even improved physical health.
Speaker 1:That's incredible.
Speaker 2:That's pretty powerful.
Speaker 1:So it's like this simple habit it is. But it has these ripple effects.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:That touch like everything.
Speaker 2:Every aspect of your life.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:And remember, it doesn't have to be these grand gestures.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's about finding those little moments of joy.
Speaker 1:The simple things.
Speaker 2:Exactly like a good cup of coffee.
Speaker 1:Yes. Or little moments of joy, the simple things, exactly Like a good cup of coffee, yes, or a laugh with a friend. It's not about waiting for that big thing Right To finally be happy.
Speaker 2:It's about finding those little joys every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and as you practice, more.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Your brain starts to look for them.
Speaker 2:It does. It becomes more attuned to the positive. It's like we're training our minds to see the good, even amidst challenges even when things are tough exactly and that shift is really empowering it is okay, the gratitude practice is going on my life.
Speaker 1:I highly recommend but are there other things we can do?
Speaker 2:there are to reframe negativity nakashima also highlights self-compassion, self-compassion, self-compassion. Have you heard of this?
Speaker 1:I have, but I'm not sure I fully get it it's basically about what is it about?
Speaker 2:extending kindness and understanding to yourself, okay, the same way you would to a friend so like being nice to yourself it's more than that more than that. Okay, it's recognizing that we're all human we all make mistakes.
Speaker 1:Exactly instead of beating ourselves up, yeah, we offer support and encouragement to ourselves. Much better than that inner critic.
Speaker 2:Much better. It's about being your own best friend.
Speaker 1:And it's not about letting ourselves off the hook.
Speaker 2:Right, not about making excuses, okay. It's about recognizing that we're all a work in progress.
Speaker 1:We're all learning.
Speaker 2:Exactly and treating ourselves with patience.
Speaker 1:And understanding.
Speaker 2:And understanding yeah.
Speaker 1:So, instead of focusing on those negative judgments, we choose a more supportive dialogue.
Speaker 2:It's like that internal cheerleader.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:And when we practice this, it creates a more nurturing environment within us.
Speaker 1:Makes it easier to bounce back from those challenges.
Speaker 2:And keep growing.
Speaker 1:Is there evidence that this actually works?
Speaker 2:There is Research shows self-compassion leads to more happiness, resilience and well-being.
Speaker 1:Okay, so self-compassion, gratitude.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Any other tools Nakashima recommends.
Speaker 2:One more I want to highlight. Okay, it's called mindful movement.
Speaker 1:Mindful movement. Does that mean yoga?
Speaker 2:Not necessarily. Okay, it's simply about bringing awareness. To what? To your body? My, okay, it's simply about bringing awareness. To what? To your body, my body and your physical sensations.
Speaker 1:How does that tie into all this?
Speaker 2:Well, our bodies, they hold tension. Oh, yeah, and stress Without us even realizing it Exactly yeah, and mindful movement helps us release that.
Speaker 1:So like going for a walk in nature.
Speaker 2:That's one way. Okay, gentle stretching, dancing.
Speaker 1:It's about letting go of those negative emotions.
Speaker 2:Yes, physically releasing them.
Speaker 1:Interesting, so we're shifting our attention away.
Speaker 2:Away from the negative.
Speaker 1:And creating space for more positive energy.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's like a moving meditation. I like that yeah Quieting the mind.
Speaker 1:But also taking care of the body.
Speaker 2:It's a powerful combination.
Speaker 1:And even a few minutes can make a difference.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Even a few minutes each day.
Speaker 1:This has been so eye-opening.
Speaker 2:Glad to hear it.
Speaker 1:I feel inspired.
Speaker 2:That's what we like to hear.
Speaker 1:And ready to start using these tools.
Speaker 2:It's all about taking those small steps.
Speaker 1:You've given us so much to think about.
Speaker 2:And so much to try.
Speaker 1:Before we wrap up, anything else you want to share about Nakasima's work.
Speaker 2:I think the biggest takeaway is that we all have the power.
Speaker 1:The power to do what.
Speaker 2:To create a more positive life.
Speaker 1:A more fulfilling life.
Speaker 2:It starts with awareness. Of our thoughts, choosing our words carefully.
Speaker 1:And practicing those habits.
Speaker 2:That nurture our well-being.
Speaker 1:It's so empowering.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:We're not at the mercy of negativity.
Speaker 2:We have the tools.
Speaker 1:To choose a different path.
Speaker 2:A more positive path.
Speaker 1:This whole deep dive has been a game changer for me.
Speaker 2:I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 1:I'm feeling so much more optimistic.
Speaker 2:And ready to put all this into practice.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Remember, negativity is a part of life. It is, but you have the tools to reframe it, to shift my perspective and create a life that's full of joy and meaning.
Speaker 1:Well listeners, that wraps up our deep dive.
Speaker 2:Into the world of reframing negativity.
Speaker 1:With the incredible wisdom of Teru Nakashima.
Speaker 2:We hope you've enjoyed it.
Speaker 1:And feel inspired.
Speaker 2:To put these techniques into practice. Go out there reframe those thoughts embrace gratitude practice that self-compassion keep moving mindfully until next time, keep exploring, keep learning and keep diving deep we'll see you on our next deep dive adventure.
